Blue in the Face
by Lilac Bloom
Summary: UPDATED! Spinner's life had finally fallen into place, his guilts pushed to the far corners of his mind. But soon he's forced to admit that he's no longer running smooth as his friends witness his harsh downfall. Spellie?
1. Reckless Abandon

**A/N:** Hey everyone. So I'm pretty new to the Degrassi scene, but I've been watching it on The-N non-stop lately and I've been hooked. I'm not solid on all the story lines, but I have a pretty good idea of what's gone on with most of the characters.

However, if anyone finds huge character/plot flaws in my story please feel free to point them out. Although, keep in mind that this is fan fiction, meaning some of the events in my story may not follow exactly what might happen on the show. I love constructive criticism, so please don't hesitate.

I have to admit that I love Spinner's character, so this is a Spinner-centric fic. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimers: I do not own Degrassi, nor any of the characters from the series. Also, the title is from an Alkaline Trio song "Blue in the Face."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Good afternoon everyone, happy Monday…yeah, I know. No such thing," Mr. Simpson joked, "Today we're going to finish off Friday's project…."

As Mr. Simpson continued to give directions to the class, Jimmy Brooks turned to his attention towards his computer and checked his e-mail. After sending off a couple of letters Jimmy took a look around the room, checking for any trace of a tardy Spinner.

No sign of him. _Weird_, he thought. He had seen Spinner earlier that same day. It wasn't like Spin to ditch class, well at least not now anyway.

Upon seeing Jimmy's frown, his girlfriend, Ashley Kerwin, asked, "Something wrong?"

"Uh…no," he replied now glancing out the windows, not paying much attention to what Ashley was saying. "Are you sure?" She knew what that look meant. He was obviously worried about something.

"No really, it's nothing." He turned to look at Ashley, finally giving his full attention to his girlfriend. "It's just Spinner. I saw him earlier today. And I know he wouldn't skip class now, he's counting on not screwing this last year up."

Ashley placed her hand on top of his shoulder, "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about Jimmy."

"Yeah, you're probably right." But it was clear that he still wasn't at complete ease.

"If you want, we can stop by the Dot after school. Doesn't he work today?" she suggested.

Jimmy looked at her and couldn't help a grin from spreading across his face, "Sounds good." She laughed, pleased at herself for having been able to make him smile. _God how I love that smile_, she thought. "I can read you like a book sir," she goofed around, playfully hitting him. She spared a quick glance at the pre-occupied Mr. Simpson and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I know, that's why you're mine." He smiled widely and went in for another kiss, however he was quickly interrupted by a very purposeful cough.

"Leave that for after school please," Mr. Simpson scolded as he eyed the two love birds.

Ashley instantly blushed a vibrant shade of pink and immediately apologized, "Right. Sorry sir." Jimmy let out a smile laugh and went back to finishing up his project.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Silence.

The two people occupying the room were clearly both struggling for words. A car horn honked for the second time.

"Gavin….I don't even know what to say. But I have to do this. I'm not good for you anyway, you're grown now. You can take better care of yourself than I can."

Spinner was seated on a couch, one of the few furniture pieces still left in his house. He looked his mother in the eyes, "Are you serious?" When he received no answer he continued on to say, "I don't – I mean – why? Why are you doing this? I don't get it."

"Honey, you're busy with your life. You haven't noticed how much mine has changed. I'm…well, frankly I'm a mess. A huge, sloppy mess and I just-"

"Just what? Just thought that leaving your son would make things miraculously better, eh? And who's that jackass that keeps honking?"

"He's not a jackass, Gavin! He loves me…he's going to take care of me. I don't have to worry anymore."

Spinner shook his head and stood up. He could hardly process what was happening. He came home just an hour ago to a practically bare house and a strange man packing things into a blue sedan.

"So what am I supposed to do? Did you even think about me?"

"Of course I did! You're my son, don't think I don't realize that. I left you some money for food and things until you find your own place," she pointed to an envelope on the dinning room table.

"And how am I supposed to get my own place? I go to school full-time and I have no kind of money to survive on my own. I can't afford rent off my pay from the Dot." _This isn't happening, I'm gonna wake up and this will all go away._

But as his mother began to speak, he knew nothing was going to go away.

"You have money saved up. That's going to be a big help for –"

"That's for college! And it's not even that much," he quickly snapped. Was she seriously this cruel, was she honestly going to just abandon him? _No way, this isn't her. _

"Listen. I understand that this is a shock, I never expected this to happen. But it has. And everyone has to make sacrifices, that's life," she stated. She acted as if she was doing nothing wrong, simply something unexpected, like a surprise vacation. That was most certainly not how Spinner was seeing it.

"Sacrifices? Sacrifices! What are you sacrificing?" He became increasingly angry and his clenched fists were shaking with rage by the end of his sentence.

"I have sacrificed my whole life for you! It's time I get it back." She took a moment to take in a deep breath. Another honk emitted from the sedan. Spinner glared at it through the open front door.

His mother motioned with her hand for just a few more minutes. She turned toward Spinner, taking in another deep breath.

"You have until the end of month to be out of here. A friend of mine from work is taking care of selling this place," she looked around the house as if to say a final farewell to it too. She took a few small steps closer to her son, "I'll get in contact with you once I get a better grip on my life. I know you can't see it from my perspective now, but one day I hope you will."

Spinner simply stood there staring in disbelief at the woman whom he believed at one point in time to be his mother.

When he didn't say anything in return she gave him a quick hug, peck on the cheek and walked to the door. Just before closing it she looked back at him, "I love you Gavin."

And with that she walked down the steps and into the car.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Finally! Ashley, what took you so long," asked an anxious and exasperated Jimmy. He had been waiting at her locker so they could head over to the Dot as soon as possible.

"Sorry, I had to talk to my English teacher after class. Let me just put these books into my locker." She stacked two text books and a copy of Shakespeare's _King Lear _onto the top shelf and slammed the door closed. "Okay, all set."

They arrived at the Dot only to see no sign of Spinner. The manager came up to the two and asked gruffly, "Hey, you guys friends with Gavin?"

"Uh, yeah. Why, what's up?" Jimmy answered, worry evident in his voice.

"Do you know where he is? He hasn't shown up and he didn't call. Not really like the kid to do that, but I gotta know so I can find someone to take his shift tonight," the manager explained.

"I'm sorry we haven't heard from him either," Ashley said, and upon seeing the furrow of his brow she added, "But I'm sure he has a really good reason. He's really responsible."

The man simply grunted and disappeared into the backroom, presumably to find another worker to fill in for his absent employee.

Jimmy turned back for the door, "This really isn't like Spinner, Ash. I called him twice in between classes and sent him a text. He hasn't gotten back to me."

"Honestly Jimmy, I don't think you have anything to really worry about. If there was something serious that happened, don't you think that he would try and get in contact with you?" She attempted to be reassuring, but she wasn't so sure herself.

Spinner seemed to be attached to Jimmy at the hip lately, and his desertion was a bit troublesome. "I guess you're right."

The twosome had just stepped out of the Dot when they heard someone yell, "Ash! Jimmy!" They turned to see Ellie, Paige, and Marco walking towards them.

"Hey, what are you guys up to?" Ashley smiled. _Perfect, something to distract Jimmy._

"We were just enjoying this beautiful day, no classes and the sunshine. Absolutely perfect," Paige answered cheerfully.

Ellie looked up towards the sky, frowning at the graying clouds. "Well, we _were_ enjoying the day. But it looks like it's going to rain. Ugh."

"Maybe we can see that new comedy? I mean, I really don't feel like just bumming at home. Are you guys busy, do you want to come with?" Marco asked Jimmy and Ashley.

Ashley looked at Jimmy for confirmation, "C'mon. It'll be nice, you can take your mind off of Spinner for a while."

"Wait, what happened with Spinner?" Paige asked.

"Nothing, he just left school early and we haven't heard from him. That's all," Ashley shot Jimmy a look. _There's no need to worry anyone else_, she hoped he was thinking the same thing.

"Yeah, I'm just being paranoid. I'm up for a movie, let's go." With that definitive response the gang headed towards the theatre.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Two hours passed and Spinner was still staring blankly at the empty house. He didn't want to think about anything. He just wanted to zone out. However, he was having great difficulty spacing out. He couldn't stop the multitudes of questions from popping up in his mind. _Why? What did she mean by her life was messed up? How could she just leave?_

The most haunting of questions was: _What's so wrong with me that I drove her to leave?_

"I can't keep thinking about this," he muttered to himself. He finally stood up and walked up the stairs. He reached the top and tried to not look at his mother's room. But without even realizing it, he led himself straight to her room.

There was no longer the maple wood dresser or small black armchair that used to sit by the window. No curtains, no bed sheets. Just a queen-sized bed, mattress, and two pillows, that's all that was left. It dawned on him that her room never changed. She never rearranged or redecorated her room since he could remember…since his dad left. For the first time he also noted how the entire house stood in the same arrangement and décor since his father left. He liked it that way.

The room seemed so big now, bigger than he had ever known it to be. He walked into her bathroom. It too was empty except for a spare toothbrush and towel. He went back into her room, making his way towards her closet. The doors were closed, he was almost afraid to open them, just like when he was a child and was terrified of some monster hiding, waiting to attack him. Except when he was a little boy his mom was there to protect and comfort him.

Now he couldn't believe that he could never count on her again. He didn't bother opening the door, although he wasn't very sure as to why. Maybe he still had that childish fear, as silly as that sounded. Maybe he just didn't feel like seeing another empty space.

He felt a lump forming in his throat. _No, no I absolutely refuse to cry. Crying is for little kids. I don't cry._

He rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He ran to his room, stuffed some clothes in his bag pack, and headed out of the house. _I just need to get out of here, somewhere away._

He heard thunder but it wasn't raining, at least not yet. After about thirty minutes of walking he realized that he didn't know where he was going. He had just been walking aimlessly. All he knew was that tonight he couldn't stay in _that_ house, it was no longer _his_ house.

He heard a beeping noise coming from his backpack. He stopped and searched his pockets for the source when he finally came across his cell phone underneath his clothes. He had five missed calls, two from Jimmy, one from Paige, and another two from the Dot.

_Shit! I completely forgot, idiot!_ he yelled to himself as he smacked his forehead. _Yeah, that's all I need to lose my only source of money. Good going, Spin._

He didn't bother listening to his voicemails, nor did he bother calling anyone back. He was not in the mood to explain anything. He wasn't even sure he wanted anyone to know. His life was just starting to fall into place, he was back with his best friend, finishing school with good marks, and sure he lost Darcy, but he was still happy with his life. He was finally on track.

He knew his friends would be supportive, but he didn't want any pity or sympathy. He wanted to keep living his life before tonight. Everyone was happy, things were as perfect as they could possibly be….at least for how things usually went down with the Degrassi crew.

But where was he going to go now? He didn't want to go to Jimmy's, too many questions there. Same with Marco and Paige. He could only think of one person who he could count on to not ask questions…and maybe take the edge off his current pain.

He flipped open his phone and dialed a number he didn't know he still had memorized.

"Hello."

"Hey, it's Spinner."

"Huh…didn't expect to hear from _you_."

"Well, I just need to take my mind off…things. And I need a place to crash for the night. I know you're good for that."

"Welcome back buddy. I'll pick you up."

"I'm not home. Pick me up in front of Degrassi."

"Okay, be there in ten."

"Hey Jay…thanks," Spinner shut his phone and walked the last two blocks to Degrassi.

He didn't think Jay was as bad as everyone made him out to be. He did a lot of terrible things, but most of the time it was not in spite or to cause trouble. He was usually looking out for his best friend, whether he wanted to make sure his friend didn't get in trouble or he knew his friend wanted some action.

_Okay, he does some pretty bad things. His drinking and drug use is not cool, but he _is_ always willing to help his friends,_ Spinner rationalized with himself as he realized he was opening his world again to endless drama possibilities by befriending Jay…again.

_No I'm not. Jay deserves my friendship. He totally just forgave me for fighting him and he's even letting me crash with him. _That's _a friend. _As he continued to debate the deal with Jay a car slowly came to a stop in front of him.

The passenger side window rolled down, "Hey! Get in."

Spinner couldn't help but give a small smile, suddenly he knew that he wasn't going to be thinking about any of his worries tonight.

"Listen, Jay. I just…I just wanted to apologize for, well for everything messed up I said and-"

"Hey Spin, don't even sweat it. I get it. I got out of line, dude," Jay stated. He normally had trouble admitting when he was wrong, but truth be told he missed his friend. And he could admit, somewhere deep down, that he had a way of pushing things too far.

Spinner sighed in relief, he didn't need to worry right now. He was just going to pretend nothing major happened and have fun again. There was always tomorrow to worry.

"So what have you got in mind for tonight, eh?" Spinner smiled, putting all his effort into being happy and only concentrating on the night's events.

"Well it's been a while for you, but I'm sure you'll be happy to see what I've got in the glove box," Jay gestured for Spinner to open the glove compartment.

Inside it Spinner found a bag of – "Fun. I know you're thinking it."

"I don't know, Jay. I'm trying to put all this stuff behind me, ya know?" Spinner looked longingly at the small baggie full of blunts in front of him. He knew it was wrong, he knew it but he found himself not caring.

"You said you want to forget things. So, there you go. Dude, it's what you said you wanted."

"I didn't say I wanted drugs, Jay."

"Not in so many words. But you know what you were asking for," he glanced at his obviously troubled friend. _Damnit, I have to be a real friend now. No more bullshitting._ "Okay, Spinner. I realize that you wanna be a good 'Christian' boy now, but you obviously want to forget something. And that's all I know that can help...so you can take it or leave it."

Spinner looked up in surprise at Jay, who was pretending to be intensely concentrating on the road. He could tell that Jay was trying to be a good friend, and he couldn't have been more grateful. The others were great, amazing even. But they weren't like him, didn't understand him - not like Jay.

He knew as well as Jay did that he _was_ asking for the tokens in his grip, he was asking for them the moment he opened the phone to dial Jay's number.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

There you go, the first installment. Leave me your thoughts, I'd love to read them. Thanks.


	2. The Despair Factor

Here goes the second chapter. I hope you all enjoy it :-)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Degrassi or the characters.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Okay man, let's get this party started," Spinner smiled while trying to hide the fact that he felt incredibly guilty for allowing himself to fall back into this trap.

"Yeah! That's my boy," Jay slapped his hand on Spinner's shoulder excitedly. "I have a couple people over, but I'll be sure to let everyone know that you have unlimited access to all the booze and whatever else you want. Tonight's your night, man."

Spinner just grinned and looked out the window. About fifteen minutes later he found himself walking into Jay's parentless house, many memories, good and bad, flooding him as he crossed the threshold.

Two hours later he was drinking straight out of a bottle of Absolut Vodka and surrounded by eight strangers. He put the lit blunt in his right hand to his mouth and inhaled deeply.

"Having fun, man?" asked Jay, taking a seat next to Spinner, beer in hand.

It took a moment for Spinner to comprehend what Jay had said. "Oh yeah, dude…a…a…a blast," he finally managed to get out after several moments.

It was about 11:30 when Spinner's cell phone rang. The caller ID read _Paige_.

All of a sudden Spinner's heart was beating faster than he ever remembered it beating before. He felt as if it were going to pop right out of his chest.

"Hel-hello," he stammered.

"Spinner? Oh my gosh, thank goodness you answered. Do you know how worried I've been? I mean, how worried we've all been? Where did you disappear to?" _She sounds so worried, wow do I love her_, Spinner randomly thought. _Whoa, where did that come from? _

Any rational, sober part of Spinner was rapidly slipping away. He was beginning to surrender to the effects of the drugs and alcohol entirely.

"Paige? Paige…I miss you so much."

"What? Spin, hun, are you okay? You just saw me the other day," she said confused at Spinner's odd response.

"No, no I didn't. I mean, it wasn't enough…I…you're so pretty. I mean…you sound so pretty…yeah."

_What is this kid on? _Paige was beyond perplexed. This was not Spinner. _Oh, he isn't…is he?_

"Spinner, what are you doing right now?" she asked genuinely concerned, something had to be up.

"I'm at…" he took a moment to look around and check where he was. _Oh yeah!_ "I'm at Jay's!" He said triumphantly as if he had won some sort of prize.

"What are you doing at _Jay's_?" Paige's anger was rising. _What is he doing with that pig?!_

"I'm…I'm forgetting. I'm having fun Paige…But Paige…I'm not having fun anymore. I miss you…I want to see you. I want to see you now!" He was becoming more emotional and childlike as the minutes passed.

"Okay, hun. Just wait for me, I'll be right over and you can see me, okay?" She knew if Spinner was around Jay trouble was definitely abound.

"Alright. Wait! Paige, you can't! You can't!" _Oh no, she'll see me like this_, part of his mind was screaming at him to not get caught while another part was dying to see Paige…_my soft, pretty friend…_

He began to pout due to his conflicting thoughts, _Ah man, my head's starting to hurt._ He went to rub his head and, in the process, dropped his phone. "Shit," he muttered.

"Spin…Spinner!"

"Sorry honeybee, sorry. I dropped my phone. Paige…" His speech was becoming more and more slurred…and he called her _honeybee?_ When did that start back up? She knew he needed someone to take care of him, and chances were Jay was just as messed up as he was – in no condition to take care of himself, let alone anyone else.

"Just wait for me like I said, I'll be there as fast as possible."

When she didn't get a response she demanded, "Spinner, listen to me. Are you listening?"

"Yeah."

"Go by the door and look out the window for me. Are you ready to go?"

"No, hold on." He grabbed his bottle of vodka and threw out his joint, which he immediately regretted. _Hey, I wasn't done yet_, he scolded himself

"Okay, I'm looking. Hey! It's raining…a lot," he said, plopping down on the floor beside the front door, sulking because of his 'stupid' decision to throw out the weed in combination with the depressing down pour.

"Spin, it's been raining," she stated annoyed and rolling her eyes, _drunks can be so annoying_. "Just stay there. I'm on my way."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Paige grabbed her keys and hurriedly put on her heels.

Ellie came into the living room. Upon seeing Paige grab her purse and head for the door she asked, "Hey, where are you going so late on a Monday night?"

"I finally got a hold of Spinner. He's at Jay's, and he sounds trashed. I'm gonna go pick him up," she quickly explained.

"Is he okay?" Sure Ellie wasn't the closest of friends with Spinner, but she was worried too. It turned out, from what she'd been seeing, he was a pretty decent friend…more than decent even.

"I don't know. He's acting so strange. I have him waiting for me, so hopefully I don't have to step inside that creature's house," she gave a small shudder. "Jay just gives me the creeps. I never know what he's up to."

"Are you sure you want to go by yourself, I mean two boys who are out of it doesn't sound so safe to me," Ellie certainly didn't want Paige to get hurt.

Paige thought about if for a moment, "Well I don't want to inconvenience anyone else."

"I'll go. The buddy system always seems safer."

"Thanks Ellie," Paige sometimes had her battles with the young journalist, but it was times like these that reminded Paige how lucky she was that they were friends.

"Oh, should we call Jimmy? He was so worried," Ellie recalled earlier that night when Jimmy kept bringing up Spinner's odd disappearance.

"It's late. We can tell him tomorrow," Paige decided as she hopped into Dylan's car.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Paige pulled up to Jay's house, squinting through the pouring rain.

"Is that him?" Ellie looked through her window at a figure standing in front of the door.

"Ugh, yeah. I think that's him." _What an idiot! What is he thinking?_ Paige didn't have to wonder long, he came running to the car.

"Paige!" A large smile came across his face. "Ellie? Hi!" He persisted on giving her a hug through the cracked window, which Ellie lowered so he could achieve his goal.

After the sopping hug, she said, "Um…hey Spinner. You seem quite bubbly." Ellie couldn't suppress her giggle, she had never seen Spinner so lovable.

"Just get in the back Romeo," Paige instructed. "And be careful! This is Dylan's car, he'll kill me if he finds anything messed up."

"Paige, I'm so happy you're here. I thought I was never going to see you again!" he exclaimed, extremely hyper.

Ellie laughed some more, but quickly stopped at the deathly glare Paige sent her.

"What are you talking about? We see each other all the time," she said, becoming more and more annoyed with his behavior.

"No, no. Paige…you just don't understand…" he continued to mumble incomprehensible words in the back to seemingly no one in particular.

Ellie looked over at Paige, "He's pretty funny like this. I mean, you have to admit." She turned her head back to take another look at Spinner. He was still muttering, but he was also shaking from the cold rain while trying to get some more vodka in his mouth.

"No, it's not funny. Look at him, he looks pathetic. He's so totally high, and drunk. Everything he's saying is nonsense, Ellie." Paige glanced at Spinner through the rearview mirror. He seemed to be having trouble getting the bottle to stay still.

"Well he seems to be muttering an awful lot about _you,_" Ellie pointed out.

"Yeah, well…like I said, it's all nonsense. Which is even more annoying," she said exasperatedly.

"Okay. Okay, I'll back off," Ellie put her hands up in a gesture of surrender, "I don't want any Paige-rage pointed at me."

Paige rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "Sorry El, but I just don't want to have to deal with him like this all night. I mean, I want to help him…but if he's just going to be 'confessing' how much he supposedly still loves me, I don't know if I can deal. Plus I have an eight a.m. class tomorrow."

"Well if you want, I don't have class until two tomorrow. I can take care of him, right Spin?" She smiled in his direction.

"Ellie? When did you get here?" It was official, he was completely inebriated. She laughed some more as they pulled up to the drive way.

"I don't know Ellie. I mean, he's gonna be a handful and _I'm_ the one who volunteered to get him."

"It's no problem, Paige. I'm not so annoyed by him, I find him pretty funny actually. And this way you can rest up and talk to him tomorrow, when he's sober," the red-head proposed.

Paige took a good look at Ellie, "Thanks so much hun. It really means a lot."

Ellie shook her head, "No problem, really. I mean, he's become my friend too."

Something about that statement irked Paige, but she wasn't quite sure why. _Whatever_, she dismissed the feeling quickly.

"C'mon Spinner. Let's go into the house," Ellie opened the back door and grabbed a hold of Spinner's hand to help him out. Again, Paige got that irritated feeling. _What's wrong with me, she's just helping_.

"Ellie, you have a little hand," Spinner noted as he clumsily got out of the vehicle.

"Ha, well yeah, sure." This was quite the amusing Spinner she was seeing.

"Yeah, like the rain. Or something like that…remember that poem thing by that guy…E. cum…or something…" then he began laughing as he realized the hilarity of what he said.

"Oh my gosh, Spin. You are so wasted. And it's E.E. Cummings," Ellie laughed. She knew it wasn't supposed to be funny, what he had done was wrong. But in the moment, he was pretty hilarious.

Paige unlocked the front door, "Okay El, you're on your own now. I'm gonna get to bed. Thanks again." She went up the stairs and was gone for the night.

"I guess that leaves you and me," Ellie said under her breath. "Here, sit on the – wait, better yet just stand right there while I go get you some towels."

She made to head up the stairs, but Spinner pulled her back not letting go of her hand. "Uh, Spinner. You're soaking wet and shivering. You need a towel. You have to let me go so I can get that for you." She made sure to annunciate her words slowly, making certain that he understood her.

"But I don't want to be alone," he said it with such sincere sadness, she couldn't possibly leave him alone. _Wait. I'm not leaving him alone, I'm getting him a damn towel,_ she shook her head as if to literally shake the thoughts out of her mind.

"Spinner, I'll be right back."

Spinner wasn't sure why, maybe it was the alcohol or pot, maybe it was the entire days' events, but he felt lonelier than he had felt in a long time, not since Jimmy told him he didn't exist did he feel this low.

"No, don't go," he stated meekly, he couldn't bear even one minute of being by himself. He needed someone, someone to keep his mind distracted. Ellie's hand in his was his only current savior.

Ellie frowned, looking directly into Spinner's eyes. She could see his genuine despair and her heart went out to him. She looked at their intertwined hands then back to his puppy dog eyes.

"Okay, well, be really quiet when we go up the stairs. We're gonna go to the bathroom and get you all dried up. C'mon." He squeezed her hand tighter and followed her up the stairs.

After much stumbling, the two finally made their way to the bathroom making as little noise as possible. Spinner had been silent as they climbed the stairs, randomly taking sips from his bottle.

"That," Ellie began saying as she took the Absolut from his hand, "is enough. Take your shirt off."

She expected him to make some stupid sexual remark, but he just obediently obliged. She began to pat his upper body with a towel, suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable, even if he wasn't making any crude comments.

She rubbed his head, drying his hair and then rubbed up and down his arms in an attempt to warm him up. "Um, I guess you're pants are pretty wet. You can take those off too." She immediately blushed. _I can't believe I just said that_. "I'll…I'll get some sweatpants from Dylan's room."

He didn't look her in the face, just stared blankly at the tiled floor. He began unbuckling his belt, then looked up at Ellie. "I'm just gonna…I'm gonna get you those pants now…oh, and a blanket. I'll wait for you out here in the hall." She closed the door and quietly crept into Dylan's room, snatched the pants, and then grabbed a blanket from her room to wrap around Spinner.

She was waiting about five minutes outside the bathroom door holding onto a blue cotton blanket and gray pants. She looked at her phone, 1:00 am. She released a sigh. She was becoming sleepy, but she was determined to get her highly intoxicated friend taken care of.

She rapped her knuckles on the door quietly so as to not interrupt the others sleeping. "Spinner? You okay in there?" She whispered. She didn't get a response, so she risked opening the door and peeking in.

He was sitting on the ledge of the tub in his boxers, goose bumps covering his body. "Here, this should be better," she said as she wrapped the warm blanket around his shoulders.

She glanced at his face and his brown eyes locked on hers. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't tear her eyes off the overwhelming emptiness and sorrow she saw.

She cleared her throat and managed to move herself to the sink, now looking at her own reflection. She looked down at the porcelain sink and took a deep breath. He didn't need her sympathy right now, he needed someone to take charge and be strong for him.

"Here," she handed him the pair of gray sweatpants, "I'll leave you to change. I'll just wait for you in my room, it's right here," she pointed to the closest room to the right and walked out, closing the door behind her.

She tidied up her room, taking the clothes strewn on her bed and floor and shoving them into her hamper. He came into the room a few minutes later and plopped down on the edge of her bed, the blanket slipping to the floor. "Fuck," he said as he placed his hand to his forehead, "everything is spinning."

"That's what happens when you drink vodka like it's water."

He laid on his back, closing his eyes tightly. She looked at him and rolled her eyes. Clearly he wasn't moving any time soon. "Well I guess you can just sleep there, I'll go downstairs. Oh, there's a bottle of water on my nightstand and a trashcan here," she said as she placed a small garbage bin next to the bed.

He didn't acknowledge her statement, only groaned as he tried rolling over with no success. Ellie grabbed the blanket she had given Spinner from off the floor and took a pillow from her bed. _This is gonna be a long night_.

She went down the stairs into the living room where she finally found comfort on the worn-out couch. However, the comfort didn't last long.

Twenty minutes after Ellie fell asleep she was awoken by Spinner stumbling down the stairs. "Spin?" she called out groggily. She reached to turn on the lamp closest to her and saw Spinner standing at the entrance of the room with tears streaming down his face.

"Spinner. Are you okay?" she rushed over to where he stood. He shook his head no.

"What's wrong?" she knew this was more than physical pain.

"…you left. I waited and you left…"

He said it so softly she had to lean until she was inches from his face to catch what he was saying. "What do you mean Spin, I told you I was going to sleep down here and that you could take my bed. Don't you remember?"

He shook his head and stood up, "No…you left. Just like her…you're just like her…"

_What is he talking about? Paige?_ "Spinner, I'm sorry you thought I left. But I'm here now, okay?" She wasn't going to bother asking him what he meant, she'd probably just receive another confusing, slurred answer.

Spinner furrowed his brows in deep thought. Ellie grabbed a hold of his hand and led him to the couch. "You just need some sleep. Things will be better tomorrow."

He wanted to yell at her, scream how nothing was going to be better. Tomorrow he'd wake up only to have to deal with even more problems than today. But he didn't have the energy nor did he think he could manage to spit the words out coherently enough for her to understand. So instead he settled on roughly ripping his hand out of hers and looking towards the opposite direction while taking a seat on the couch.

While Ellie was taken aback by his sudden change of mood, she decided not to push it and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water. "I'm just getting some water," she announced, looking back to the couch to make sure Spinner wouldn't become frenzied again. He was sitting up, his head bobbing up and down, obviously trying to keep awake - without much success.

"Ugh, apparently I'm the only one that knows how to work a sponge around here," she complained quietly to herself as she eyed the sink full of dishes. She originally went to wash a single glass to use for her water, but ended up washing the entire sink full. _Finally, beautiful sleep_, she thought as she trudged over to the couch where Spinner was curled fast asleep.

She found herself smiling as she carefully scooted him over to make space for herself. However, she soon began to think, _what the heck got into him today? Obviously something's wrong. Paige?_ She shook her head, _it's too random for that, and they've been over for a while_…

She didn't get a chance to mull over the situation any further as she slipped into peaceful abyss.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

That's the end of chapter two. Be sure to let me know your thoughts and opinions. I'm also open to hearing suggestions as to where you would like to see this story go.

Special thanks to TwinkleToesToo & SurreptiousGrl for my first reviews, they are so appreciated. Thank you!


	3. Mercy Me

**A/N:** So sorry about the wait. I've been super busy. But thanks for the reviews, I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate them! Here's the next chapter of_ Blue in the Face_.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any original Degrassi characters. Psh, I wish. I would definitely take a different approach during the sixth season, but that's just my opinion. The point is I have no rights.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Marco and Paige drowsily walked down the stairs, Paige rubbing her eyes and stifling a yawn as she filled Marco in on the previous night's events.

"So you went to get him?" he asked, wondering why Paige was taking such a sudden interest in Spinner again.

"Don't give me that look. He's still my friend, and Jay is absolutely no good. I wasn't gonna just leave him there," she exclaimed, defending her actions.

Marco just rolled his eyes and smiled, "Whatever you say Paige. So, where is he anyway?" No sooner had the words come out of his mouth did he spot Spinner and Ellie curled on the floor in front of the couch.

Marco laughed in surprise and quickly turned to look at Paige, whose eyes he expected to be bulging out and mouth wide open. He grimaced as her face met his expectations.

"What is _this_?" she asked loudly. She was shocked to find these two cuddling on the living room floor and even more surprised to see Spinner's arm draped around Ellie's waist.

"Excuse me!" she said, even louder, determined to wake them up.

Ellie's eyes snapped open, "Oh my God, Paige. You practically scared me to death, what's…" she saw Marco trying to hold back a smile while keeping an eye on Paige to make sure she wasn't going to extract the claws.

It took her a moment to realize why Paige was bright red and glaring at her, but then she looked at the weight around her middle and saw that it was Spinner's arm. "No, no, no! This isn't what it looks like. I swear!" She scrambled out of Spinner's grasp and stood up.

"Of course, Ellie," Marco laughed as he walked away into the kitchen. _I'm so gonna need coffee to be ready for Paige's bound-to-be tantrum._

"Well then, care to explain?" By now Paige was seething and it was very apparent she was trying with all her might to maintain her cool.

"We fell asleep on the couch, and Spinner kept moving around so I just went to the floor. He must've fallen off or something. Wait, you don't think something happened between us, do you?" Ellie asked incredulously.

Paige took in a deep breath and left for the kitchen, where Marco was waiting with three mugs full of coffee.

Ellie followed Paige waiting for some sort of response.

Paige sat at the end of the table pretending to be completely absorbed with the contents in her mug.

"C'mon, Paige. You know I wouldn't, I mean he was completely wasted. Why would I do anything with him like that?" she tried reasoning.

Ellie looked desperately at Marco.

"So, the only reason you didn't do anything is because he was inebriated. Hmm, I must say, that's interesting," commented Marco, smiling in spite of the tension in the air.

"Marco!"

"Oh, sorry," he replied meekly. "Well, as much as I want to be here to see how all this ends, I gotta get ready for class. And so do you Ms. Michalchuck," he reminded.

Paige took another deep breath and looked up at Ellie, "It doesn't even matter, Ellie. We're all just friends, so you're free to do what you want with who you want."

"Paige…" but before Ellie could say anymore Paige was on her way up the stairs.

_It's only seven in the morning. Today is going to be oh-so fun…_She dropped her head onto her folded arms. _It is too early for this drama_, she pouted.

A few moments into Ellie's sulking she heard a groan coming from the very hung-over Spinner. Although she was exhausted and frustrated from Paige's reaction, she couldn't help a grin from spreading across her face as Spinner walked into the kitchen, his hair sticking up wildly at odd angles.

_That's adorable,_ Ellie found herself thinking, however she quickly shook her head, _like a little kid kind of cute, of course._

"Ugh…I think I'm dead," Spinner stated, massaging his temples, "Or at the very least dying."

"Aw, don't worry. That pain you're in, it's a pretty clear indication that you're very much alive," Ellie said in mockingly sweet voice.

"Thanks for the reminder," he mumbled beneath his breath.

His eye roamed the counters in search of the coffee pot and while doing so he spotted the empty bottle of vodka beside the sink. He looked at it with such disdain it caused Ellie to laugh out loud.

"Hey now, I don't know what's up with you but that was like your best friend last night," she teased.

He crossly shuffled over and poured the remaining of the coffee into a mug of his own. He plopped into the seat across Ellie.

"Well I hope you had a lot fun last night, cause you're definitely gonna pay for it today."

A small moan issued from his mouthful of cold coffee as he recalled his actions from the previous night. "How bad was I?"

"Oh, let me think," she smiled bringing a finger to her lips, pretending to ponder, "'Ellie? You're hands are small like the rain, like that E. Cum guy said.' Yeah, you were pretty bad," she laughed.

"Oh man, I don't even remember that," he paused, "But I do have some recollection of you helping me out, like climbing up the stairs with me…" his voice had lowered to just above a whisper. He didn't want to admit that he had complete memory of his night with Ellie.

He just hoped she wouldn't mention it. He did not want to discuss the weakness and vulnerability he had pathetically displayed.

"Thanks," he glanced up from his mug to look at Ellie, "I really appreciate it."

She could tell that Spinner remembered more than he was letting on. However she decided not to push anything as he was obviously embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it. That's what friends are for," she shrugged nonchalantly. She may have been annoyed last night, but she did offer to help. He needed someone to lean on. She had to admit to herself, she didn't mind being that person.

Spinner gave a small smile. He and Ellie may not be the closest, but at the moment he was extremely grateful she was in his life.

Ellie cleared her throat and got up from the table. "Besides, it's Paige you should be thanking. She's the one who ran to pick you up, and it was her you kept professing your love to," she looked up with a smirk.

He scowled as he smacked himself on the forehead, immediately regretting it as he made himself even more aware of his pounding headache.

He stood up intending to head over to Paige's room and apologize profusely, however he stopped as he heard heels stomping down the stairs.

He expected her to at least look at him, if only to send him an icy glare. But she just scooped her bag up by the foot of the stairs and slammed the front door shut behind her.

"Wow, I must've really messed up big."

"Weeelll," Ellie hesitated, "I don't think that little display was all because of you."

Upon seeing Spinner's confused expression she went on, "I guess sometime last night you fell onto the floor, where I was forced to sleep thanks to you. Anyway, Paige and Marco came down and saw us sleeping."

"What was so wrong with that?"

"Oh, right. Uh, you were only wearing a pair of Dylan's pants and had your arm wrapped around me," she quickly turned away, looking for any excuse to hide her blushing cheeks.

Spinner looked down at his clothes as if to confirm Ellie's story. "Well…that's…"

"Awkward?" They both let out small laughs. "Yeah, I know. I did try explaining, but I don't think she quite saw it my way."

"Judging from what just happened, I'm pretty sure you're right. Um…I did have clothes when I came here right?"

Despite the awkward tension that seemed to surround them, she smiled, "Yes, you did. They were soaking wet so I had you take them off. They're drying off on the ledge of the-"

"-front lawn. Hey Spinner," Marco greeted as he nonchalantly snatched his keys from the counter and shoved a book into his bag.

"FYI, Paige is pretty pissed at you. Not so much you Ellie," he explained when he saw the worried look on her face. "But you, Spinner, are a whole other story."

"Yeah, I got that. Thanks."

"I'm just warning you. She went on about booze, Jay, love and…cum? I don't know, I _really_ didn't want to ask. The point is your clothes are outside and you should keep your distance from her for a little bit, for your own safety." He smiled, clearly entertained by the situation.

"Marco! How can you smile like that? You have to live with her while she's like this," Ellie reminded him.

His cheerfulness seemed to falter for a moment, but he went on to say, "C'mon guys. Spinner didn't seriously try and make a move on you. This is all going to blow over and Paige will just feel stupid for over reacting the way she did."

While he made sense, Spinner wasn't so sure that was how everything was going to play out.

Ellie seemed to be thinking along the lines of Marco however as she said, "I guess you're right. But I think I'm gonna stay the night at Ash's, just in case."

"Good idea. Well guys, I'm out. See you later."

"I guess I should go too, caused enough trouble already," Spinner looked out the window at his shirt, jeans, and shoes strewn across the lawn.

"I thought you'd be used to it by now, it is what you do after all," Ellie joked.

Spinner quietly placed his mug in the sink, "Thanks again for you help, El."

"Hey, I was kidding, Spin." Spinner looked at Ellie and saw her concern.

He forced a smile, "I know. Sorry, my head's just killing me." It wasn't necessarily a complete lie.

Spinner knew she was just teasing him, but she stated the truth. _I'm always messing up._ The past two years seemed to just pound in that fact.

"I'm just gonna grab my clothes and walk home."

"Do you want a ride?" Ellie offered.

"No thanks. I think the fresh air could help. See you later."

Ellie watched through the window as he scooped up his pants, slipped on his shirt and shoes, and walked down the street out of sight. _What's really going on?_ She was completely certain he was hiding something; he had been doing so well. She seriously doubted he would spiral downwards for some stupid high; he was escaping. But from what, she didn't know…not yet.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Spinner walked past the park and school, each holding memories he didn't dare allow himself to dwell on. As he continued walking his thoughts turned to how much different his life had managed to become in as little as one day. _The recurring theme of my life_.

He finally reached his destination at Jay's front door. He twisted the door knob, knowing it would be unlocked and allowed himself in.

Bottles were scattered across the living room and kitchen floor. He side-stepped around a woman's sleeping body sprawled on the carpet as he made his way over to Jay's bedroom.

Although the door to the room was left ajar, Spinner knocked anyway. He could hear rustling of blankets and a drowsy looking girl clad in an oversized 'System of a Down' t-shirt. She didn't bother sparing a glance at Spinner as she went out the door and into the bathroom.

Jay walked to the door, "Hey bro, where'd you hide to last night? You missed some prime action."

"Yeah, well I guess Paige picked me up and I just stood the night over there. Anyway, where's my bag? I thought I left it somewhere in the living room."

"Paige? Dude, hooking up with her doesn't sound like it'll go anywhere good. It's not like you need a clingy chick right now."

Spinner rolled his eyes, "No, we didn't do anything. She was just worried I guess. Whatever. I just want my bag."

"Chill dude. It's in my closet. I couldn't find you and I didn't want anyone messing with it. I threw in a few blunts, to get you by today." He snatched the bag out of his closest and dropped it in front of Spinner.

Spinner closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, "Thanks man, but I don't really want to make it a habit or anything."

"Well, it's there just in case. If you don't end up using it you can just pass 'em back to me later."

Spinner nodded. Despite Jay's reputation of selfish and uncaring ways, it was clear that he was desperately trying to be the best friend he knew to be. Spinner had enough of an open-mind to realize that; he just wished more people did too.

"That's cool. Sorry to bail, but I gotta run. My shift starts in about an hour."

"Hold on a sec, I'll give you a ride back to your place."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Spinner walked into the house, slightly unnerved by the absolute silence. There was no television to turn on or radio to blast to drown out the silence.

He dropped his keys onto the counter with a deafening crash that echoed off the kitchen walls. He went to his room in search of his work clothes. He rummaged around his bedroom but found his efforts fruitless.

He knew his mother had taken some of his bigger items, such as his computer, stereo set, and cordless phone. He thought he'd be much more upset by that, but he found himself not caring. She bought them, she can have them. He didn't want, nor need, anymore reminders of her supposed 'generosity' anyway.

But she definitely wouldn't bother taking his clothes. He looked again under his bed, in his dresser drawers, and in his closet. He still didn't find anything. _Shit, Hank's probably pissed enough already,_ he thought as he was certain his boss would not be happy with his no-show yesterday and would be even more furious with his tardiness today.

He looked in every room, hoping to find his work shirt thrown carelessly in the bathroom or even in the coat closet. He found a few boxes filled with junk, mostly old jackets and blankets. He finally worked his way over to his mother's room. He checked under the bed only to find a couple of small baskets filled with old photos. He pushed them to the side, not having time to reminisce.

A photo fell out of one of the baskets and fluttered down to land beside his foot. He looked at the picture, his fingers brushing away the light layer of dust that had been settled upon it. He was about eight years old with a beaming smile, sitting on his ex-step-father's lap along with a girl about six years old. His mother was stooped over with her arm around the man's neck in a playful embrace; she was laughing and her eyes were shining, utterly happy.

_What happened to us…_

Spinner was surprised out of his reverie as he saw a tear splash onto the photograph. He quickly wiped it away as if to wipe away any evidence of his emotional display. He shoved it under the bed, _out of sight out of mind_.

He whipped open the closet, desperate to find his uniform and leave. Just leave this mess behind. Mindless work is what he needed. _Yeah, just keep my mind blank and it'll be easy. I'll get through this._

He found a large box and ripped the contents out. He threw some old curtains onto the floor. His hand scraped against a smaller silver box. His brows furrowed as he took it out and opened it up.

His eyes roamed the numerous orange bottles. He used a trembling hand to pick up one of the prescription bottles. He placed it back in the box and picked up another. One by one he found anti-depressant after anti-depressant, all labeled with his mother's name and various dates.

His eyes glazed over. _This is _exactly_ what I need._

He snapped out of his trance, pocketed a bottle of pills, and changed into a pair of jeans and a plain black shirt. He'd just have to borrow an apron and deal with the complaints that were bound to come from his manager.

He'd deal just fine…at least he would with a little help from the tiny bottle resting in his pocket.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The next chapter should have some Alex/Paige, Jim/Ash, and everyone becomes more aware of Spinner's erratic behavior. Looking forward to hearing what you guys think. Again, suggestions are always welcome. Thanks!


	4. Cat and Mouse

**A/N:** Here's the next chapter, hopefully you enjoy. I've been receiving quite a few hits, which I'm very grateful for. Thanks for reading! And please remember, reviews and critiques are always welcome, appreciated, and taken into consideration. Enjoy :)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own or have any claims on Degrassi.

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"Paige, what's really going on with you? Why did you practically go Carrie this morning?" 

"Marco, I really don't want to talk about it. So just drop it," Paige stated in a definite tone as she rushed out of the Toronto University doors.

"Fine, but I'm just going to say this one final thing. Spinner cares about you, Paige. As much of a screw up as he is, he wouldn't hurt you. Just keep that in mind. I'll see you later, I'm gonna try and get a hold of your dumb brother," Marco waived a quick good-bye and dug in his pocket for his cell phone.

"Hey," she called out before he was out of sight, "I'm sorry for snapping." She gave a small apologetic smile.

"Don't worry about it. I live with you and Ellie. I'm used to it," he joked as he jogged towards an area with better reception.

She took a glance at the time on her phone, Ellie would still be home and she wasn't feeling up to dealing with the awkwardness that was certain to be awaiting them.

She flipped open her phone. It rang a few times before a winded girl's voice answered, "Hello?"

"Hey, are you busy? I was hoping we could meet for some lunch at-" she stopped herself from say The Dot, not wanting to risk running into Spinner. She had already embarrassed herself enough. "-at the mall or something," she finished.

"Well I just finished lacrosse practice, I gotta clean up. I can be there in about an hour, maybe a little less," Alex offered.

"That's fine. Can't wait, hun."

"See you in a bit," Alex smiled; it seemed Paige could always make her happy, even without trying in the slightest. _Jeez, I'm pathetic. One phone call and I'm practically giddy._ She rolled her eyes as she inwardly laughed, why did this preppy, bubbly over-achiever have such a hold on her? _Oh right…it's _Paige

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So, why the long face? I thought I was supposed to be the brooding one?" Alex joked once she and Paige were seated at the food court.

"It's nothing really," she replied, poking rather angrily at her plate.

"I don't buy it. Spill Michalchuck," Alex prodded.

Upon seeing the determined look on her face, Paige proceeded to fill her in on the recent events.

"Okay, so Spinner going to Jay's and getting wasted is pretty bad. But that doesn't seem to be the only reason you're upset. It sounds like someone's a little jealous," Alex observed.

"No, Alex. It's not even that. I mean, I don't know," Paige paused, thinking of how to put together exactly what she was trying to get across.

"It's just that Spinner was my first real love and we have a lot of history. He's been with me through the hardest times in my life. And at one point in time, I was his everything. Even though I know he was totally inebriated, yesterday when he kept saying that he loved me…it really got to me. Then to see him curled up with Ellie, it just hit me. We'll never feel the same way for each other.

"I miss it. I miss meaning that much to someone. Spinner will always hold a piece of my heart, but I know we can never have what we once did. We're just not meant for each other. But I want that person who I can mean the world to, and who'll mean the world to me."

When she finally managed to get her thoughts out she looked expectantly at Alex for some sort of advice or words of wisdom.

Alex swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. _I guess I'm not the one she wants; she's looking for someone else…someone who means the world to her_.

As disappointed as she was, she didn't want to let Paige down. She cleared her throat, "Well, I don't think you should give up all hope on finding that someone. You have plenty of time.

"But in the meanwhile, maybe you should talk to Spinner. It's not fair to treat him like that, especially when he didn't really do anything wrong. After all, you did just admit he's special to you."

When Paige didn't look quite reassured, Alex continued, "And, Paige, anyone would be a complete idiot to not realize that you deserve all the love in the world."

Paige smiled, "How is it, Ms. Nunez, that you can always make me smile?"

Alex let out a small laugh, "I was thinking the same thing about you earlier."

The pair locked eyes for a brief moment before Paige went on to say, "Thanks for listening to me drone on about my lame love life. I'll talk to Spin later. How 'bout you and I do some window shopping?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "I guess if I absolutely have to," she reluctantly agreed as she stood up.

Paige hoisted her purse onto her shoulder and without hesitation grabbed a hold of Alex's hand. Alex eyed their intertwined fingers…_maybe there is hope for us_.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Excuse me? Is my girlfriend, Ashley, around?" Jimmy asked impatiently as he wheeled down the hall into the kitchen.

A frustrated Ashley responded back with, "Nope. Sorry," she blew some hair that had fallen into her eyes away as she scrubbed at a plate in the pile of dishes in the sink, "Just the Kerwin household maid."

Jimmy grinned; she may have been extremely annoyed with a huge frown bestowed across her features, but she couldn't have been any more adorable.

"Oh well, in that case. Maybe you could help me settle some business," he tugged a bit at her waist, trying to pull her onto his lap.

"Jimmy, c'mon. Jeff and my mom left me a ton of things to finish this weekend," she groaned, although she would much rather have been wrapped in his arms.

"I'm sorry, but that apron is just too sexy…" Ashley squealed as she was forced onto his lap.

"Hey, I have things to do," she lightly protested.

"And so do I," Jimmy whispered as he placed his lips on hers.

"Well since you're obviously not going to leave me alone any time soon, let's get ourselves settled on the couch. I'm sure it'll be much more comfortable," she kissed her way up the side of his neck and nibbled on his right ear.

Jimmy bit his bottom lip, "Shall we then?"

She smiled seductively and led the way.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Finally,_ Ellie sighed as she walked towards Ashley's back door. She had thought her morning was bad enough, but apparently the Gods above thought otherwise.

She had completely forgotten the test she had in her English course, which she was sure she promptly failed. She was then given two stories with ridiculously early deadlines. _Stupid Jesse_ she thought viciously, imagining him tripping down stairs in front of twenty sorority girls. The image she came up with managed to put a small smile on her face as she knocked on the unlocked door.

"Hello," she called out as she walked into the kitchen. She heard a thump followed by rushed shuffling. A few moments later a disheveled Ashley came hurrying from the living room, smoothing her hair down and straightening her skewed blouse.

Ellie giggled uncharacteristically as she took in the sight of her best friend, "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

Ashley blushed as she grabbed a bottle of water and took a few sips. "Well I didn't expect you here 'till later," she responded sheepishly.

"I can get lost if you want," Ellie offered half-heartedly. She didn't honestly want to go, but she didn't want to intrude either.

"Don't be ridiculous. We'll just all hang out. Come on over to the living room, just put your bag on the table."

"Hey Jimmy," Ellie stated as she took a seat on the loveseat.

"Hey El, how's it going?"

"Not as good as it was going with you two earlier…" she smiled suggestively.

"Can you blame me?" He looked over at Ashley and gave a classic 'Jimmy Brooks' wink.

Ellie's smile quickly turned into a look of mock disgust, "You two make me sick."

The couple just laughed. "Anyway, why did you come so early?"

"Oh right, the drama involving Paige, Spinner, and unfortunately me."

"Wait, you saw Spin last night? What was up with his disappearance? Why didn't he call me back?" Jimmy asked immediately. Despite the tremendous obstacles their friendship went through, Jimmy had to admit he thought of Spinner like a brother.

"Whoa, one question at a time. He was at a party with Jay…" she proceeded to explain the on-goings of the night and morning. "And since his arm was wrapped around me Paige thought Spinner was trying to pull something with me," she finished, purposely forgetting to mention Spinner's tearful and angry reaction to her leaving him alone.

Ashley and Jimmy stood silent a few moments as they allowed the information to settle in.

"Well I don't think you have too much to worry about with Paige, she'll get over it. But it's not really her I'm worried about," Ashley said as she mulled over Spinner's behavior.

She glanced at Jimmy and saw the same troubled expression on his face. She grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He tried to look comforted by her attempt, but couldn't hide his concern.

"What was he even doing with Jay?" he asked darkly. He may have forgiven Spinner, but Jay was an entirely different story.

Ellie shrugged, she had been wondering the same thing herself.

"I didn't even know Spinner did those things," Ashley stated aloud.

"Well he obviously went through some dark times, you'll be surprised to know what a person will do to get through things," Ellie said as she thought of the similar feelings she once had in her life.

Ashley nodded understandingly and shifted in her seat.

"Still, that was then. His life has done a complete 180 since then," Jimmy rationalized.

"Something must have happened yesterday, something really bad," Ellie thought back to when she saw the heartbreaking look in Spinner's eyes the night before.

The three stood silent for a moment, then Jimmy interrupted, "Or he could just be screwing up again." The biting edge to his voice made both Ashley and Ellie worry. They had thought he was over everything with Spinner; he had, after all, been so upset when Spinner went disappearing.

"Jimmy, are you okay?" Ashley asked cautiously.

He continued to appear deep in thought, then responded a few minutes later, "He's always messing up. I mean, what could have possibly happened to push him so far? I just don't get it. It's too random.

"But it _would_ be just like him to screw up, fall back into line with Jay and be his little lackey all over again."

"Hey, Jimmy. I thought you were okay with Spinner?" Ashley was even more concerned after hearing the dark tone in his voice.

"I am. I was. But if he's back inline with Jay…I don't even want to say what I'd feel towards him. Jay's worthless, he'll just bring Spin down with him."

Ashley was relieved to hear his explanation. Hidden behind his angry words was deep and genuine concern for his friend.

Ellie was positive there was something more than Spinner screwing up, "Jimmy, I know you've known him better, but I think you're wrong. He was really upset, it was clear something was wrong."

"I think Ellie's right. Spinner's not gonna make the same mistake twice. He knows what the first one cost him, he's not gonna risk that again," she cuddled closer to him, involuntarily shuddering at the thought of anything worse happening.

Ashley's words seemed to resound in Jimmy's mind. _What was I thinking?_ He was unnerved by his own dark thoughts and readiness to question Spinner.

Knowing how Jimmy might have been feeling, Ashley suggested, "Why don't we just talk to him tomorrow at school and get to the bottom of things, straight from his mouth."

"That sounds too easy, Ash," Ellie explained, "He was totally wasted last night and he refused to talk about anything."

"Well, we can at least let him know that we're here for him. It may not do much, but it'll at least remind him that we're his friends, that he can trust us."

Despite the upsetting thoughts about what may be going on with Spinner, Jimmy felt extremely happy and lucky at that moment to have Ashley in his life. She was constantly thinking of solutions and ways to help. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, "You're right. We'll do that as soon as we see him tomorrow."

Ellie sat back staring out the window. There was a knot forming at the pit of her stomach, she had a strong feeling that things were going to get worse before anything was resolved. She subconsciously began snapping the rubber band against her wrist.

Ashley caught sight of her actions. "Hey Jimmy, do you want anything to eat? I'm gonna make myself a sandwich."

"Sure," he went along with her, knowing she just wanted to talk to Ellie in private.

"El, do you want one?"

Ellie looked up startled, "Huh? Oh, sure. I'll help you."

Once the two girls reached the kitchen, Ashley pulled out two chairs.

"I thought we were making sandwiches?"

"Yeah, we will. But first I want to talk to you."

"Okay, what about?" Ellie questioned.

"Well, I was just wondering if anything did go on between you and Spinner…"

"Ash! No, nothing went on. Didn't I just explain that?"

"Okay, okay. Calm down. It's just a little odd that you suddenly have this interest in Spinner's life. And I saw you snapping the rubber band."

"Well, I care because I was there last night. None of it felt right, something's wrong. And just because I want to help doesn't mean that I have…_a thing_…for Spinner. I snap the rubber band when I feel stressed, and it's stressful to think of ways to help," she clarified. Upon seeing Ashley's unconvinced look, she added, "I'm just being a friend. That's all."

Ashley realized she wasn't going to get anywhere and resigned her quest for Ellie's confession. She put her hands up in surrender, "Okay, fine. I'm just looking out for you, El. _If_ you do end up feeling something other than friendship for Spinner, be careful. I remember a troubled Sean Cameron leaving you high and dry in the end."

"He had to, he had to get better. Besides, Spinner's not at all on my radar. So don't worry." She wasn't just trying to convince Ashley, she was more worried about convincing herself.

Although Ashley could tell deep down how Ellie felt, she dropped everything and moved on to a different subject. "Well then, let's get these sandwiches going. I think I can hear Jimmy's stomach rumbling all the way over here."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Spinner was in the midst of wiping down the tables and chairs at The Dot when he heard a knock at the door. Without looking up he announced rudely, "Sorry, we're closed."

"Hey now, is that any way to treat your ride home?"

Spinner rolled his eyes, "Hold on dude."

He threw his dirty rag into a bin and reached to unlock the door. Jay took a seat on a stool, "C'mon, let's go already. There's some people waiting for us at the Ravine."

"First off, I'm not going to the Ravine. Secondly, if you want to leave so damn soon then get your lazy ass off that stool and start putting these chairs on the tables."

"Hey, I'm not getting paid to clean this dump. That's your job. And what the hell has gotten into you?" Jay knew he had a way of instantly grating on people's nerves, but Spinner was usually more tolerant of his behavior and rarely snapped on him.

"Yeah, this is my job. And if I want to keep it then I need to do it right," he stopped to wipe his brow. He had taken one of his mother's pills before he started his shift and had not felt better in ages. He was energized and completely focused on his job. But the effects had worn off a few hours after. He was now left exhausted with a pounding headache.

He took a deep breath, "Sorry. I'm just really strapped for money right now. I can't afford to lose this job."

Jay looked at his stressed friend, wanting to ask what happened the other night to leave him like this. But he ignored his own question and reluctantly began setting chairs atop the tables. "Okay, sorry. Didn't mean to bust your balls or anything."

The two worked silently until Spinner finally felt the place was in good enough shape to lock up for the night. Once they reached the car Spinner stopped to say, "Uh, thanks for helping out. And giving me a ride. I appreciate it man."

"Well, since I didn't bitch while I did your job you can't bitch about going to the Ravine. I already told everyone we'd be there."

"And since when have you cared whether you disappoint people or not?" Spinner asked as he got into the passenger side.

"I don't. But they told me they're bringing some good stuff, so I'm going. I figured you'd want in."

Spinner looked out the window, _what do I want to go home for anyway? There's nothing there for me anyway._

"Okay, let's go. But I don't want any of their stuff. I've got me own here," he dug in his backpack and pulled out a small orange bottle.

Jay put the car in drive and glanced at the object in Spinner's hands. He frowned, "What are those?" 

"Just some of my mom's meds," he popped three in his mouth.

Jay's frown deepened, "What are they for?"

"Why do you care?" Spinner asked defensively.

"I'm just asking. I mean, you don't know what those can do. They can really mess you up. It's not like weed, it's more intense," he warned.

"Just mind your own damn business, Jay. I don't tell you what to do or not do," he said crossly.

Jay looked away and the two continued on in silence, concern etched on Jay's face. He didn't want to admit to himself that he was worried. _What kind of hypocrite would I be? I'll let everyone else do whatever drugs they want, but I start bitching about what one of my best friends starts doing?_

By the time they reached the Ravine Spinner was under the complete influence of the little blue pills. He jumped out of the car, welcoming the loud music and bright flames whole-heartedly. _Tonight I can do whatever I want, it'll be a night to forget._

He ran forward to greet some acquaintances, leaving Jay behind, worrying more than ever what was going on with Spinner's life.


	5. A Decade Under the Influence

**A/N:** Here's the next chapter. Hope you guys like. Please let me know via reviews what you think of the story, characters, or anything else. Thanks!

So far this story has pairings of more or less Paige/Alex, Jimmy/Ashley, and Marco/Dylan.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Degrassi

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Jimmy and Ashley waited at the front doors of Degrassi in hopes of meeting up with the recently mysterious Spinner.

Ashley checked her watch after noticing there were only a few students now loitering the entrance. "Jimmy, it's getting late. We should head for class."

She looked past the bus stop again just incase she would spot Spinner jogging up to the school. When she saw no sign of him she said, "Maybe he's just running a little late."

Jimmy also did a once over and grudgingly agreed with Ashley, "Yeah, let's go."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Spinner! Wake up man, we're late!" a frazzled Jay yelled as he threw on a shirt and shoved his feet into a pair of black gym shoes.

Spinner looked around and instantly felt a searing pain in his head. Memories of the night before flooded him as he felt the physical aftermath of his "fun" night.

"Just use the bathroom down here. I'll go upstairs," Jay instructed as he rushed up the stairs two at a time.

Spinner was puzzled for a moment at Jay's worrying about their tardiness. However, he didn't think about it long as he didn't want to be too late as well. His life may have been falling to pieces around him, but not school. He was finally going to graduate. If that meant suffering a horrible hangover through even one of Kwan's class, so be it.

After washing up in the bathroom he grabbed some of Jay's clothes and quickly changed. A few moments later Jay came running down the stairs now wearing his backwards cap to hide his tousled hair, "Let's go."

He snatched his keys off the counter and ran to the car. "Dude, what's your rush?" Spinner asked as he jogged to catch up. Sure he didn't want to be late, but a few minutes weren't going to do much harm.

"Hatzilakos told me if I'm absent or late one more time it's either summer school or another God-forsaken year at Degrassi," he slammed on the gas, "I'm not wasting my summer. And I am _not_ risking being at that hell hole for another year."

Spinner just nodded in understanding as he snapped in his seat belt; he certainly empathized.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After saying goodbye to Jimmy, Ashley took her seat in Armstrong's math class. _Math this early should be outlawed, _she thought grumpily as she took out last night's assignment.

About ten minutes into class Ashley looked up at the person entering the classroom. If he didn't want the teacher to notice his tardiness, it didn't show. He walked determinedly to his seat without even sparing a glance at the instructor.

"Mr. Mason, how nice of you to join us. And you're reason this time…" Armstrong asked, expecting another lame attempt at an excuse the boy usually came up with.

"No reason, just overslept," Spinner stated quietly as he took his seat behind Ashley.

Armstrong saw dark circles under his eyes and noticed his overall worn look. It seemed he could use a break, so he continued on with his lesson without saying another word about the late student.

As soon as Armstrong was preoccupied explaining the lesson in further depth to a particular student Ashley took the opportunity to finally talk with Spinner.

"Where have you been? Jimmy's been worried sick about you. I mean, we're _all_ worried. You know you can talk to us…about anything, right?"

"Relax, Ash. Yeah, I know. I just had a harsh couple days is all. I'll talk to him as soon as I see him," he feebly promised as he closed his eyes and rubbed temples, his head throbbing even harder than earlier.

She was taken aback by the nonchalant attitude he was taking, "That's it? That's the best you can come up with, that you had a couple of bad days? Ellie told us about your night with Jay. What's up with that?"

Her anger was getting the better of her, but she couldn't help being upset with his simplistic excuses. Didn't he realize his _real _friends were worried about him?

"What? I can't hang out with other people now? You know what, Ash, I'm getting really sick and tired of you trying to be the perfect little martyr," he scolded angrily.

"I don't need you to tell me who I can hang out with. You live life your way and I'll live life my way."

Ashley was left open-mouthed and stunned. She expected Spinner to be jumping at the chance to explain things; at least to Jimmy, to make sure their friendship was still solid. Not to mention she was dumbfounded to hear Spinner use the word 'martyr.' Her shock was soon replaced with fury.

She opened her mouth to let him know exactly what was on her mind but was interrupted with the ringing of the bell.

Spinner jumped out of his seat and hurried out the door. He went to the washroom where he hoped to cool down before his next class. _Where did that come from? _He couldn't even say what had gotten into him. The anger he threw onto Ashley was a complete surprise to even him.

He immediately regretted snapping on her, especially when she was just trying to express the concern his friends had for him. He took a deep breath and splashed his face with cool water. He had not expected his day to start off so badly. He looked down at his backpack where hidden inside a small compartment was a new bottle of pills, this time white little capsules with an even more powerful impact.

He was tempted, but figured that getting high at school wouldn't be the brightest idea; especially if he wanted to finish the school year on good terms.

Toby walked into the washroom, going straight to the sink to wash off ink from an exploding pen.

"Hey Spinner," he greeted rather cheerfully. Spinner just nodded an acknowledgment. "So, what've you been up to?"

"What? You're stupid sister been telling you how I've been messing up?" Spinner retorted heatedly, inching closer to Toby.

"Uh, no. Not at all. It was just a question, you know, in general," the younger boy quickly answered, backing up against the wall.

"Whatever," Spinner stated as he turned to leave the washroom.

Once Toby saw Spinner exiting the door, he felt brave, and safe, enough to yell out, "And she's my _step_-sister!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_What is wrong with me! I need to stop,_ Spinner could hardly believe the anger he felt whenever anyone spoke to him that day, more specifically whenever someone questioned him. He was mere seconds from getting kicked out of his history class when he back-mouthed his teacher about how ridiculous he felt the assignment was. He leapt at the sound of the bell and ran out of class.

He arrived at his Media Immersion class a minute early, just in time to have Mr. Simpson voice his concerns. "Hey Spinner, I ran into Mr. Morton just now. He told me the…exchange of words, for lack of a better term, that happened in history class. I know you've changed a lot. What's going on? You're better than this."

"Why is everyone focusing on me? I ditch class one day, have one argument and now I'm like the anti-Christ or something? Nothing's going on. I'm fine," he knew he was completely over-reacting, but he found himself lacking all self-control.

Archie Simpson had a similar reaction to Ashley. He looked at the troubled youth with arms folded, looking pointedly in another direction. "Well then let me suggest you control your temper and get your act together," he advised harshly, turning away from Spinner and moving on to address the class.

"Suggest away, just wasting your breath," Spinner mumbled.

"I mean it Gavin. Watch your mouth," he warned sternly. Spinner rolled his eyes and focused his attention on the monitor in front of him. He saw an IM screen pop up.

_What's up with you?_

Spinner looked up from the screen towards Jimmy. He didn't feel like getting into yet another argument with anyone else, therefore he closed the IM without responding and turned off his monitor.

He ignored the put-off Jimmy and discreetly tipped three of the white pills into the palm of his hand. _This day is just going to get worse anyway._ "Can I get a drink from the fountain?" he asked loudly, disrupting Simpson's lesson.

When he saw the teacher's upset expression he forcefully added, "Please?"

Simpson rolled his eyes and gestured towards the door. Spinner rushed to the fountain, anxious to get the tiny pills into his system.

The class went on without further disruptions. Spinner stood silent, feeling content as the effects of the pills began to come into play. As the students got up to leave, Spinner stood back waiting to meet up with Jimmy and Ashley.

Ashley was glaring at Spinner when she reached him, refusing to speak. "Listen, Ash. I'm sorry. I was totally wrong to react like that. You forgive me?"

She looked at him with confusion written all over her features. He was even smiling as he stated his apology, in a seemingly much better mood. _What has gotten into him?_

"Um…sure, I guess. So, what's with the weirdness?"

"I can't be happy to see some of my closest friends?"

Now it was Jimmy's turn to be confused, "Why didn't you respond to my IM? Or any of my calls and texts?" 

"Jimmy, my man. I had such a bad day. I don't even want to talk about it. But I'm sorry that I just left you hanging. Can we just forget about that and grab some food? I'm starving!" Spinner clapped his hands together in an almost giddy gesture.

"Uh, not really. What were you doing with Jay?" Jimmy asked irritably.

"He gave me a ride and somehow I ended up at his place trashed. I guess I gave into temptation or something," he lied, "I'm sorry. I know how you feel about him." He was willing to say whatever it took to get Jimmy to stop asking questions and just move on to something happier, more exciting, anything.

"Temptation, that's all?" Jimmy questioned. 

"Yes, I promise. It won't happen again. Hey, how about we have a little party," he saw the frowns beginning to form on both Jimmy's and Ashley's faces and quickly changed his wording, "I mean a get together...at my place. You know, chill and just have a good time. Bring Marco and Paige too."

He was becoming happier by the minute, an excuse to have some more fun. _Perfect,_ he thought excitedly. Ashley glanced at Jimmy still looking a bit thrown off.

Spinner saw their hesitation, "C'mon! Please, I'm begging. I'm literally on my hands and knees begging." He bent down onto his knees in front of Jimmy and grabbed a hold of Jimmy's hand, looking as if he were going to pull out a ring and propose any minute.

Jimmy looked around at the students roaming the halls, some with looks of utter confusion and others with bemused smirks. He ripped his hand away, "Okay, just stop acting so freaky."

Spinner smiled widely, "Yes! Yes! I can't wait. Tonight." He jumped up and shook Jimmy's shoulders in excitement; he even gave Ashley a peck on the cheek. "You guys are gonna have a blast, I promise!"

Ashley wiped her cheek, smiling despite herself. "Okay, weirdo." She looked at Jimmy and whispered, "Do you know what just happened?"

"Not at all."

He smiled, it seemed he had his old friend back – regardless of his odd behavior.

"I'm so hungry, I'm gonna go eat," Spinner exclaimed joyfully. He began walking towards the cafeteria before he stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around to face Jimmy and Ashley. "And be sure to bring Ellie!" he shouted across the hall.

He went back on his way towards the lunch room, "Hmm, I wonder what Sheila has today…"

Jimmy and Ashley were left bewildered. "Is he talking to himself?" she asked dubiously.

"Yeah, yeah he is," Jimmy answered, just as bemused as she was. But unlike Ashley, he was smiling.

"You don't think this is just a little bit…too strange?"

"Well, yeah I do. But I'd rather him be like this than snapping and disappearing," he looked up to read Ashley's expression.

"Ash, please. Just let this one go. If we see him acting up again, we'll do the whole intervention thing. But can we just enjoy the non-drama of right now?" he pleaded.

"Okay, I'll humor you." _For now,_ she thought as she watched Spinner continue to talk to himself down the hall, oblivious to everyone's odd stares.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Spinner waited in the lunch line, unable to keep his body still. He kept tapping his foot up and down or strumming his fingers against the tray. "Well someone's hyper," Sheila observed as she rang up his meal.

"Nope, just in a good mood is all," he dug into his pocket and pulled out a wad of money. "No, make that an _excellent_ mood," he corrected, leaving all his money on the counter. He walked away to find a place to sit. "Wait! Your change!" Sheila shouted.

"Keep it," Spinner waived it away and made his way towards the tables. He spotted Manny Santos sitting next to Emma Nelson, busily chatting away.

"Hey Manny! How have you been? It's been way too long since we hung out, we have to fix that. Soon. Very soon," he rambled rapidly as he plopped down next to her.

"Um…hi Spinner. Good to see you too?" she greeted back perplexed.

He nodded to everyone else, smiling as he shoved his burger into his mouth as fast as possible. He finished it in four bites, leaving everyone looking painfully disgusted. After he gulped down his bottle of Coke he looked over at Emma.

"Is that all you're eating? An apple? No wonder you're a damn twig. Here, eat the rest of my food," he slid his tray containing french fries, potato chips, and a brownie in front of her.

"That's okay Spinner. I had a sandwich earlier. I'm full," she said as politely as she could. This was a side of Spinner she'd never seen, and he was beginning to wig her out.

"Nonsense, it's good. Go ahead. Get some meat on those bones," he dropped the tray in front of her again while getting up from his seat.

"Well it was great seeing you Manny, hopefully we'll hang out again soon," he bent down and gave her a bear hug, lifting her up from her seat.

"Whoa there big guy," she stood up to prevent herself from falling when he let go. She patted his back awkwardly as his arms lingered around her. She looked at Emma completely thrown.

He finally released his grip and held her away at arms length, looking into her eyes.

"You okay Spin?"

He nodded, "Yeah. I'm great. Thanks Manny, thank you. You're amazing."

She blushed and looked down, "Well thanks. But I'm not really sure why you're thanking me. I haven't done anything special."

"Yes you have, you care."

She looked up at him and wondered what was going on his mind. She tilted her head and stared back into his eyes. "Are you okay?" she asked softly, barely audible.

His smile faltered and his face gave way to a slight hint of grief. He quickly recovered, "Of course. Never been better actually."

He let her go and hoisted his backpack on. "I'm having a party at my place tonight. You should come. Emma too, there'll be food there," he winked at Emma as she made a noise indicating her dislike for his constant hints about her needing to eat.

"Gee, thanks Spinner. I'd be left starving if it weren't for you," she said dryly.

"No problem. Oh and Liberty you can come too, bring whoever you want," he invited as he patted Liberty's head, much like one would pat an obedient pet dog. He gave her a quick smile and began to leave the cafeteria.

Manny sat back down next to Emma, "So…does everyone else think he was acting totally cukoobananas?"

Just as Emma was about to agree she was interrupted. "I heard that. I've been meaning to mention, Manny, that phrase is the most annoying thing I've ever heard. See you tonight!" Spinner yelled out brightly. She quickly turned around to see the back of his body as he walked through the double doors into the hall.

"See what I mean?"

"Well, the whole 'cukoobananas' thing wasn't weird. Just honest," Liberty stated matter-of-factly. When Manny looked offended she went on to say, "Well at least he didn't pat your head like you were his little golden retriever or something."

"Or shove piles of greasy, half-eaten cafeteria food in your face like you were some kind of Ethiopian child," Emma added.

They stood quiet for a few moments, and then burst into laughter. "I guess you guys are right," Manny agreed, taking a few deep breaths to calm down.

Once the girls had settled down, and Emma threw away Spinner's leftovers, Manny asked, "Well, are you guys gonna go?" 

"Was he even serious?" Emma asked uncertainly.

"I don't see why not. I mean, it could be fun. What do you think Liberty?"

"I think that it's a school night," she answered in her typical way.

"Well _I_ think we could have a great time. I haven't been to a party in forever. Please you guys?" Manny begged, putting on her best puppy dog face.

Both Emma and Liberty rolled their eyes, "Fine."

Manny squealed, "Thanks guys! Emma I'll come over after school and we can figure out what we're gonna wear. We have to look hot."

Emma looked skeptically at Manny, "This has nothing to do with it being _Spinner's_ party, right?"

"Of course not. But you never know who else might be there. You should always dress to impress," she explained.

Emma seemed assured, "Okay. Liberty, come over too. We'll head over to Spinner's together."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Spinner was on his way to his locker when he bumped into Jay, "Hey dude." 

Jay took in Spinner's jittery hands and glazed eyes, "Did you take any more of those pills?"

"Does it matter? Anyway, dude, I'm having this party at my place tonight so I was wondering if you could bring some drinks."

Jay looked Spinner up and down, noticing how jumpy and hyper he was. "Yeah, just calm down. What's with you? You look like you just snorted twenty packets of sugar or something."

"No man, I've never felt better. So can you bring the booze or not?" Spinner asked as he tried to open his locker, although his hands were shaking too much to keep the lock still.

Jay hesitated a moment, "Uh…yeah man, you know I'm good for it. Who's coming?"

"Anyone, everyone. I don't care," he tried for the third time to get the combination right, "I just want a party at my place where people are having mind-blowing fun!" He punched the locker in frustration, but quickly bounced back.

"Never mind. I don't need anything from there anyway. So, where were we?" He smiled at Jay, "Oh yeah, party. So just come over after school or something, okay?"

"Sure. I just gotta work on an auto project, but I'll be over as soon as I'm done picking up the stuff."

"That's my boy," Spinner and Jay did their usual hand shake. "I'll see you later, man. I gotta head over to Kwan's class."

"Wait, Spin. Are your goodie-prep friends coming?"

"Yeah, and don't tell me you got a problem with them being there. Cause they're coming, end of story," and with that he walked away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**A/N:** I know this was pretty long but it sets the stage for the next chapter, where the party is in full swing until the drama unfolds…like usual )

And a SUPER SHOUT-OUT goes to **TwinkleToesToo** for reviewing every chapter! I appreciate it so much, I hope you continue to enjoy. She is an amazing writer. I highly recommend everyone check out her stories. I am also very appreciative to those who have previously reviewed and those who placed _Blue in the Face_ in their favorites. Please leave a review telling me what you liked best or what you would like to change/happen. Thanks!


	6. 5 Vicodin Chased with a Shot of Clarity

**A/N:** So sorry about my long absence! I have so much on my plate now. It'll probably take me a while to update from now on as well, unfortunately. Going to school full-time, 2 jobs, homework, and extra-curriculars, it's hard to find time to do anything else. Phew!

Oh, and the chapter titles are songs; I'll post the songs and artists used thus far at the bottom of this story. You guys can search the lyrics, I feel they go pretty darn well with the chapters – you can decide for yourself. So, without further delay, here is chapter 6 – finally!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Jay pulled into Spinner's drive way around seven in the evening. He waved his arm out of his window, directing the other cars where to park. He and seven other guys, usually found at the Ravine, lugged cases of beer up the front steps.

Jay pounded on the door, "This crap is heavy, Spin. Open the damn door already."

Inside the house Spinner finished rearranging the little furniture in his living room, making more open space for the guests that were to come. He had already taken four pills since he had gotten home from school, leaving him with more than enough energy to get ready for the night.

"Dude, what took you so long? I thought you were coming right after school," he glanced at his watch, "It's already seven." He moved to the side as Jay pushed forward.

"Well, you're welcome. It was my pleasure to find _and_ carry all this booze to your party," Jay said sarcastically as he dropped the cases he was carrying on the counter.

Spinner rolled his eyes and pointed the others where to place their items. "Whatever, the point is you're here. Time to get things rolling."

Jay looked at his friend and, for the first time in a long time, felt genuine fear. Fear that his friend was going some place he wouldn't be able to help, hiding behind this charade of a "good" time.

He walked up to Spinner, "Man, I gotta talk to you. It's important."

"Not now, Jay. I'm about to get my party on," Spinner dismissed as he worked his way over to find a bottle opener.

"First off, get your party on? I'm not even gonna go there. Secondly, you know I'm the last one to preach, but I have to say... I'm kinda worried about you. I mean, it's one thing to have a good time, but with you it's different. You're doing hard drugs, looking for any excuse to drink. I don't know dude, it's just not you."

Spinner took a sip from his bottle of beer and let out a small chuckle, "What am I, huh Jay? Oh right, I know. I'm a fuck up. That's what I do. So tell me, how is that this is any different? I'm doing exactly what I do, screwing things over. You should be used to it."

Jay had rarely seen his friend so cynical, the incident with Jimmy being an exception.

"And another thing Jay, stop acting like you're such a great guy, always trying to help. I have to say, I'm kinda worried," he repeated insultingly. "Let me make it clear for you. You're not the good guy. _We're_ not the good guys. We're the guys that screw everyone over, that make life miserable for anyone in our lives. So stop trying to act like you care, _it's just not you_," Spinner recited mockingly.

Jay was left speechless, but only for a few moments, "You know what? You're right. So what if I was the only person there when everyone turned their backs on you? And I only just stopped you from burning the whole damn school down. But you are completely right, my fellow fuck-up. Enjoy the party, get high on all the drugs you want, and, hey, why don't you finish what you started," Jay whipped a lighter from his pocket at Spinner and stormed out of the house, leaving behind a stunned Spinner.

He looked at the lighter that had landed on the floor. _Did I really just say all that?_

He didn't have much time to beat himself as people piled into his living room. "Hi Spinner!"

Manny squeezed her way through the suddenly growing crowd. She wrapped her arms around the already intoxicated boy, "Thanks for the invite."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure."

Manny looked puzzled, "Are you alright? You look all dazed or something."

"No, um, I'm fine. Just go ahead and enjoy yourself, glad you could make it." He looked around at the many people in his "home." Most were people he didn't know or had only seen a few times in the halls of Degrassi.

Emma came up to Manny, "What was up with all that?"

Manny shrugged, "Nothing I guess. So let's find us some hotties and get to dancin' girl." The two giggled and danced their way back into the crowd.

Spinner had finally managed to push his way to the stairs and ran up towards his mother's room. He hadn't even realized what he was doing until he looked at his hands and saw that he had popped open one of the small pill bottles. He instinctively went to toss the pills carelessly into his mouth, however he hesitated as he raised his hand.

_Am I a complete idiot?_ He scolded himself, _drugs and alcohol…stupid, how like me._ He shook his head, stuffed the entire bottle in his jeans pocket, and quickly removed himself from the tempting situation.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Jay roughly ripped open his car door and jumped into his seat, seething with anger. _This is what I get for trying to help, _he thought bitterly._ What kind of balls does he have to call _me_ a fuck-up? _He was too upset to stay seated so he opted to get out and kick the tires of the car parked next to him.

After a few tough kicks, he wiped his brow and dropped down to the ground having released much of his anger; _what the hell's gone on with that stupid kid? _

He didn't have too much longer to wonder as his thoughts were interrupted by a crashing thud and the sound of the DJ abruptly scratching to a stop. He hesitated a moment, deciding whether he wanted to bother heading in the house and diving head-on into Spinner's drama. He could simply drive away; pretend he had left before the incident even occurred.

He rolled his eyes as he ran towards the door, _damn my hidden depth._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Um, is this the right place?" Ashley asked Jimmy as they rounded the corner and saw the multitudes of cars in front of Spinner's house.

Jimmy looked around. They were at the right place alright. He rolled his eyes as realization set, "This is the party he was talking about."

"Hun, I thought you said this was going to be a little get-together, 'the ol' gang'?" Paige asked with disdain.

"Um, yeah. I may be mathematically challenged, but I don't recall our little so-called gang consisting of fifty-plus people," added Ellie.

Marco stopped and groaned, "Ugh, guys. I don't feel like partying with a bunch of immature high schoolers," he looked over at Jimmy and Ashley, "No offense."

Jimmy was just about to cave into Marco's whining and turn around when he heard the sound of breaking glass and the loud music they heard a moment ago stopped playing.

"Uh, my guess is that can mean nothing good," Ellie stated as they rushed towards the house.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So, now that I've got everyone's attention. We're going to treat this more like a going-away and do-whatever-the-fuck-you-want party, got it? I demand that you do what you want when you want. Drink, smoke, spill anything, and break everything. Just have a good time!" Spinner finished off his drunken tirade by throwing one of his empty beer bottles against the wall.

Those nearest backed away as the shards of broken glass spewed everywhere. All were silent, gaping at the pathetic display in front of them.

Manny had made her way to the front, "Spinner, what are you doing? Have you gone completely cukoo-"

"For the love of all good, Manny, please don't finish that sentence," he warned.

Her eyes widened in disbelief, she was not only a bit insulted but she was also thrown aback as to his insane behavior.

"I want this place trashed by the end of the night, so have at it," he went to slam a bottle of tequila against the bathroom door but his arm was caught by Jay, preventing any further damage.

"Sorry, booze can do this to a guy. Go ahead and do your stuff," he instructed to the DJ with a smile. Despite the music playing no one moved.

"Okay people, you heard the man. Enjoy yourselves."

Spinner ripped away his hand, "Dude, what are you doing? I have everything under control."

"Yeah, that's real obvious. Don't worry about what I'm doing. What are you doing? You could've pelted someone with that bottle, and as much as you think I'm the devil, I don't want you to end up doing something you'll regret," Jay explained as he went to stow the bottle of liquor in a cabinet.

"C'mon, let's just enjoy the party while trying to not get out of hand. Sound good?"

Spinner nodded, looking towards the door as he saw it swing open. His eyes lit up, "Guys! You made it!"

Jimmy looked around at the mess and the house full of people, "Yeah, we did. But I thought this was going to be just us?"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, but I guess word got out, and Towerz came to DJ and all. It just kinda happened," he was apologizing to Jimmy but his eyes were searching for someone else.

Ellie walked through the doorway, being careful not to step on any broken shards.

Spinner smiled his first genuine and innocent smile of the night, "Ellie, I'm so happy you came." He went to give her a hug, one with which she was all too glad to return. Paige looked away. While her chat with Alex put most of her concerns at ease she was going to have to get used to the way Spinner was so joyous whenever Ellie walked into the room.

"So this whole drunk trend you've got going on, I've gotta say – it's getting old, fast," Ellie said angrily as she realized he had been drinking. "And you smell repulsive."

Spinner took a few steps back and hung his head shamefully. "I know," he stated meekly.

"I'm leaving," Jimmy declared through gritted teeth. Ashley followed his stony gaze to Jay.

Ashley looked to the others, "Do you guys want to head on out with us?" She knew there was going to be no changing his mind; not that she wanted to stay anyway. There was only trouble ahead.

"Jimmy, man. I'm sorry. Can you please stay? I mean, you're already here. Might as well have some fun, right?" Spinner asked hopefully.

"Spinner, don't even bother. Seeing his disgusting face everyday in school is bad enough. I am not going to be stuck in the same damn room as him."

Jay, noticing the stares he was receiving, walked over to Spinner. "Come over here, man," he prompted, trying to pull Spinner to the side to take away any drugs he may have on him. He just wanted to leave, but first he had to take care of his friend. Despite Spinner's claims, he knew the boy was getting out of hand.

"Dude, no. Just-" he took in a deep breath, feeling panic creep its way up his body, "- just hold on." His eyes rolled back and he clutched onto the nearest person's arm feeling faint. Jay grabbed a hold of him and shook him forcefully, not having noticed Spinner's reaction.

"Spinner, I don't care what you say anymore. Give me whatever damn drugs you have on you," Jay purposely said loudly wanting further backup from Jimmy and everyone else. _Ha, never thought I'd want that._

"What are you talking about? You're smoking pot again?" Jimmy asked incredulously.

"No, Jimmy, it's not like that," Spinner tried explaining as he recaptured his composure.

"What's it like then, Spinner?"

"It's like this James boy. Spinner here is not only drunk off his ass, but he's also high on these little pills he's hiding," Jay informed, figuring Spinner would be more willing if Jimmy were to help out.

Before Jimmy had a chance to reply Spinner turned onto Jay, "Just back off Jay! Leave me the hell alone," he shoved him into a wall. He was panting severely and had a hard time regaining his breath.

Jay stood back up, now resolved more than ever to get the drugs and leave. "Are they upstairs? Answer me damn-it! Where the fuck are you hiding them?" Jay demanded as he pushed Spinner back.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Ellie yelled, pushing her hands against Jay's chest. She turned to look at Spinner, "Is that true?"

He looked into her eyes and felt like crumbling. He could see her hurt, the pain she felt from seeing her friend in such a pathetic state.

He stood silent and tried looking everywhere but at her. Paige stepped forward, "Spinner, hun, what are you doing? This isn't you." She went to grab his hand, but he moved back. He began shaking his head.

"Everyone keeps saying that. But I know better, Paige," his voice began softly, then rose to match his frustration, "I know better!"

"Okay, party's over. Everyone leave," Marco announced as he noticed everyone's stares. When no one moved, he yelled, "Now!"

Complaints were heard as the crowd dispersed and left the house. Manny, Emma, and Liberty stood in the background as the rest of the group turned their attention back to Spinner.

"Man, what's going on with you Spin?" Spinner stared at the ground breathing angrily.

Jimmy let out a sigh, "Look at this place. What did you do?" With the room of people gone he realized the bare look and feeling of the house. "Wait, where is everything? And where's your mom, does she know about all this?"

Spinner's head snapped up, a sadistic smile played across his face, "Does she know? Hmm, that's a good question. Why don't you ask her? Oh, oh yeah." He paused a moment, then continued, "She left. Just like they all left, all of them."

"What do you mean? Who all left?" Marco asked hesitantly, unsure of how Spinner would react now with his erratic behavior.

"Everyone, take your pick. My mom, my dad, Kendra, Charlie. That's what I do Marco, I ruin people's lives, I push them to leave."

"Where is all this coming from?" Ashley asked.

"Ashley, where have you been the past two years? I screw up, isn't that right Ellie? Isn't that just want I do?" he spat out.

She shook her head, tears starting to form. "I didn't mean that seriously, Spinner. I – I was just joking," she stumbled out.

"Whatever, we all know it's true. I should come with a damn warning label."

"That's bull and you know it," Jimmy said, inching closest to the vulnerable boy. "Just let us help you, we can all get through whatever it that's going on."

"I've done enough damage in your life Jimmy," Spinner stated quietly.

"I thought we were getting past that Spinner."

"Past that? How can I get past the fact that I almost killed my best friend? I put my _best_ fucking friend in a wheelchair!"

"You did not shoot me. Rick did, don't take the blame away from him."

"Don't. Don't try to convince me of that shit. Everyday for the past year I remember how I ruined everything. Every night I literally pray for God to take my life already. When I wake up to find I'm not dead, I just wish -," he swallowed and took a deep breath. "I just wish I could get run over, drive off a bridge, anything," tears were now streaming down his face.

Spinner's words echoed in Jimmy's mind. He distinctly recalled the day he said those same words.

"I've tried to do everything, punishing myself, repenting, everything. There is no amount of apologizing I can do to make anything better. Nothing will make you walk again. Nothing will make them all come back. And nothing will make me want to live." He was trying with all his might to keep from sobbing.

Ashley covered her mouth, tears threatening to escape her eyes. She looked down to Jimmy, who already had tears running down his cheeks.

"Spinner, you need help. Let me help you," Jimmy pleaded.

Spinner roughly wiped away his tears, embarrassed of his lack of control. "Listen, just go. I don't want you guys seeing me like this."

Paige ran to him and thrust her arms around him, "Spinner, I'm so scared for you. We all care about you." He wanted to melt into her arms, to just surrender and fall a part already, let it all out. But he refused to burden himself upon any of them, they didn't deserve it.

"You know I hate to admit it when they're right, but they are. You need some help," Jay spoke up.

Spinner closed his eyes tight, he felt a mixture of nausea and light-headedness.

"Spinner!" Ellie cried as she saw him drop to his knees. "Spinner? Can you hear me? Are you okay?"

"I think I'm gonna be sick," he managed to spit out between short breaths.

"Okay, let's get you to the bathroom. C'mon, follow me." He grabbed her hand. "Ellie, I can't breathe."

"You'll be alright. Just stay calm, okay?"

Paige and Jay came to the doorway. "I've seen this kind of stuff before, it's not good."

"Shut up Jay, he'll be fine," Paige scolded as she slapped him across the arm.

Ellie knelt down beside Spinner, rubbing his back soothingly.

"Close the door, I don't want anyone seeing me like this," he stated softly.

"Um, yeah. Sure." She looked at Paige and Jay, "I'll help him out, but he doesn't want anyone to see him like this."

"I want to make sure he's okay, Ellie. I'm not going to go away," Paige exclaimed heatedly.

"Paige, we don't see eye-to-eye. I get that. But he's gonna be more than humiliated after tonight. He doesn't need to add on to that embarrassment," Jay explained, uncharacteristically kind.

Paige frowned and looked up at his face. She pursed her lips, but agreed, "I guess you're right, for once."

Once the door was closed Ellie went back to Spinner's side. "You were supposed to leave too."

"Sorry, but I'm not leaving. You need someone to watch out for you." The two stood in silence, both leaning against the tub.

"My dreams have come back," Spinner said slowly, breaking the quiet.

"What dreams?"

"Rick shoots me instead of Jimmy. Only now, he shoots everyone – Jimmy, my mom. Then he turns the gun on me," he swallowed hard, still feeling the effects of the drugs and alcohol running through his system, "I always wake up crying."

Ellie hadn't quite expected that but she wanted the flow to continue, "Well nightmares about death are scary, really scary."

"No, I wake up crying because it's not true. Rick didn't shoot me…didn't kill me." His speech was becoming more slurred as he struggled to keep his eyes from rolling back.

Ellie looked over at him worriedly and frowned, "Are you smiling?"

He dug his hand shakily into his pocket and pulled out an empty bottle. She watched as he allowed it to roll onto the floor. "Did you take all those?" She looked at him expectantly.

"Hello? Answer me! If you took all those you need to get to a hospital. Now."

She noticed the beads of sweat beginning to drip down and hurriedly went to the sink to run cold water on a towel. She patted his forehead but he pushed her away and placed his head over the porcelain bowl. He was shaking uncontrollably.

He began having coughing fits. As he uncovered his mouth Ellie saw his hand soaked in blood. She looked from his hand to his mouth where red smears covered his lips.

She ran out of the bathroom, "I need someone to help! Spinner – he's – I don't know, I just need help!"

Jay was in the bathroom within seconds, his eyes widened as he took in the sight before him. Spinner had curled into a fetal position, shivering with a pool of red sick beside him.

"Marco go pull the car up, now!" Jimmy demanded when he reached site.

Jay bent down to pick up the fragile boy. "What are you doing, Jay? He's _my_ best friend. I'll take care of him."

"What are you gonna do? Use your mighty wheels? Get real, he needs to get to a hospital now. So get out of the way."

With some difficulty, Jay finally managed to help Spinner up and placed him in the back seat of the van. Everyone piled into Jimmy's van and Jay's car as they raced to the hospital.

Ellie held Spinner's hand throughout the short ride, promising with a whisper, "You're going to be okay, I'm here." Her heart literally seared with pain, it was beating so fast; she had never been so scared for another person. She had been scared for her mother when the kitchen caught fire, but she knew they would be okay. They way Spinner looked, she had no clue what was going to happen.

"I won't leave."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**A/N:** I know it's long, but I couldn't figure out where else to end it. I have the rest of this story mapped out and I even have a sequel in store – with a guest star! Yay! I can't wait for that. I'll tell more about the sequel with each chapter.

The chapter titles are as follows:

Chapter 1 – "Reckless Abandon" Blink-182

Chapter 2 – "The Despair Factor" A.F.I.

Chapter 3 – "Mercy Me" Alkaline Trio

Chapter 4 – "Cat and Mouse" Red Jumpsuit Aparatus

Chapter 5 – "A Decade Under the Influence" Taking Back Sunday

Chapter 6 – "5 Vicodin Chased with a Shot of Clarity" Atreyu

A big THANKS to all my reviewers, I appreciate it so much! Please continue to tell me your opinions/suggestions. I love them! And is anyone else super excited for the new season??? It looks amazing…well, as amazing at it can look with Lakehurst in the picture. I strongly suggest that everyone go to The-N's website and watch the sneak-peeks, juicy goodness.


	7. In Fate's Hands

**A/N:** So I realize it's been years since I've updated anything, but I found the beginning of this chapter while going through my old computer files and was suddenly inspired to continue.

I'm hoping to update all my stories. I have this one pretty much concluded in my mind with a cute sequel perhaps. I want to steer away from the heavy drama and get in some fun stuff in the sequel. Anyway, I hope people are still interested. This is obviously different than how the series has been moving; but I still think it's enjoyable. I also want to get around to personally thanking all my reviewers. They have been great! So look out for a message from me soon :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any rights to Degrassi. The title is from a song "In Fate's Hands" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The group had arrived at the emergency entrance over an hour ago, where their incoherent friend was wheeled away.

As the minutes turned to hours they sat silently, each lost in thoughts they could not bear to voice. There were only a few seats available in the emergency room, so Emma, Manny, and Liberty had volunteered to wait in another room.

Jay paced the sterile waiting room, glancing at the clock every two minutes, breathing heavily in frustration. "What the hell is taking them so long?" he finally vented.

Ellie looked up, finally chancing a look at the clock as well. _It's been over an hour._ She snapped at the thick purple band on her wrist, choosing to stare at the floor instead, where she didn't need to be reminded of the passing time.

"I don't know, maybe they're just talking to him. You know, offering help or something," Ashley tried to offer. In all truth, she wasn't so sure. By the time they had reached the hospital his breathing was shallow and he had lost all color to his face.

"They take things like attempted suicide seri-" she was abruptly cut off by Paige.

"He did _not_ try to kill himself. That's just not Spinner," she huffed as she glared at Ashley.

"C'mon Paige, reality check. We don't know him," Jimmy added angrily. "He had a whole other life he never told us about. Who knows anything about him anymore?"

"_We _do. It doesn't matter about right now. He would never want to die," Paige stated defiantly.

"Stop!"

All eyes went to the previously stoic Ellie. The shouting matches were muddling with her already fragile mind. She could not stand to think of Spinner's dull eyes as he described his wish to have been shot, killed. Both Paige and Jimmy turned away, ashamed of their small, spiteful outbursts.

"I need some air." Paige walked out, the echo of her heels making the room feel even more barren.

"Screw this waiting bullshit." They watched as Jay stomped to the front desk.

"Why haven't we heard anything? We've been here forever, what's the deal?"

The receptionist looked up, emotionless, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to lower your voice. You'll receive news as soon as possible." She motioned for him to take a seat alongside the rest of the worried collection.

Jay stared in disbelief, "Are you serious? Where the fuck is my friend!"

The woman stood up, "You need to calm down, sir. This is a hospital."

"I know where the hell I am. Can't you check your damn computer, charts, anything? Gavin Mason, just look, his name is Gavin Mason!"

Years of dealing with irritating patients in the emergency room had caused a callous to develop within the receptionist, but as she looked around at the frightened group she couldn't help but feel her heart pang. She looked Jay in the eyes, "Alright, I'll look into it. Just relax, there's no point in getting yourself upset so soon."

He felt like yelling, like throwing himself on the floor kicking and screaming. It felt good to release some of the bottled up rage. Instead he simply nodded and went back to pacing.

"I'm just going to check on Paige. Does anyone want to come, we could all probably use some fresh air," Marco offered. He looked pointedly at Ellie, whose bottom lip was quivering just slightly.

"Yeah, I'll go." She needed a distraction if anything else. Something normal, like taking a walk with Marco, sounded amazing right now. The two made their way outside to Paige

"Hello?"

"…"

"Hello? Paige, I know it's you. Caller I.D. brainiac," Alex teased on the other end.

"Alex," her voice broke.

"What's wrong?" Alex quickly became serious.

"It's Spinner. We're at St. Joseph's, the E.R. It's bad Alex, really bad," she managed to make out.

"I'm coming right now."

Paige dropped her phone as she leaned against the building for support. She tried to gain some composure as she saw Marco and Ellie making their way towards her. She brushed her hair out of her face and tugged on the bottom of her blouse.

"It's okay, Paige. You can't be perfect all the time," Marco tried to say jokingly. The trio stood quietly, listening to the passing cars and pedestrians.

"I never thought things would get like this," Paige stated plainly.

"Neither did I," added Ellie.

The two girls stared at each other, each understanding the other's feelings. They fell quiet again, until they saw a familiar raven-haired girl.

"Thank God you're here." Paige threw her arms over Alex. She held on tight.

"Hey, how're you guys holding up?" Alex asked when the two finally parted.

Ellie shrugged. Marco squeezed her hand, "We're hanging in, I guess."

They walked back into the dreaded waiting room, where they caught the receptionist standing in front of the group.

"I'm sorry guys. I don't know anything yet. But the doctor did say she would come as soon as she could."

Jay squeezed bridge of his nose tightly. He needed something to take his mind off his very disturbing thoughts, thoughts of Spinner vomiting blood and lying dead on a bright white stretcher.

"Thanks for trying," Ashley whispered as politely as possible.

Jay looked up and saw Alex, "What are you doing here?" He saw her followed by Paige. "Oh, right. Forgot you're all lesbo now."

Alex looked at him crossly, "I'm going to let that slide right now."

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes.

Manny walked into the room, looking expectantly at Jimmy, "Any word yet?"

He shook his head.

"Well, do you guys want some coffee or snacks? I'm grabbing some for Emma." She almost let out a laugh as she thought of what Spinner would say regarding Emma actually eating.

She saw she wasn't going to get an answer as they were all busy in their own thoughts and slipped unnoticed out of the room.

Twenty more drawn out minutes passed, and their feelings were brewing intensely as they each had time to focus more on the situation.

Jay had stopped walking up and down the aisles, settling on tapping his foot repeatedly in its place.

"Stop the tapping," Jimmy ordered, irritated.

"Jealous?" he snapped back.

Ashley's eyes widened as her lips pursed, "Don't be such an ass, Jay. We're all on edge right now."

"I can defend myself Ash," Jimmy reminded harshly, slightly embarrassed despite the situation. She appeared offended but stood silent.

"You can't defend anything," Jay retorted, finally unable to withhold his building rage.

"What's your problem? We're all dealing with this, why do you have to make everything worse?"

"Because you're all such hypocrites. It's ridiculous, look at everyone here," he stretched his arms out as if to emphasis the point.

"Where were you guys a couple years ago, when all he wanted was to be your guys' friend? Oh, right. You were off being so damn self-righteous and all-knowing, acting like you were better than us, than him," he stood up, and if Jimmy hadn't been blinded by his utter hatred for Jay he could have sworn he saw the formation of tears at the corners of his eyes.

Jay turned to face the wall, away from the looks of the surprised teens. He covered his face, rubbing harshly at his eyes. He didn't take much time to recoup before turning back to continue.

"I have done some stupid things. I have encouraged some even dumber things, okay? I'll admit that. I admit when I mess up. But I don't hold grudges like you guys, I don't dismiss people as crudely as you all. I don't make people want to off themselves. So get it straight, I am not the bad guy here!"

His voice had quivered in anger as he stood with tears brimming, threatening to tread down his flushed cheeks.

"What about Rick? It was you're idea to humiliate him in front of everyone!" Ashley spit back, furious at his implication of who was to blame for Spinner's situation.

"Oh please. I didn't push him to that point. I didn't spend months targeting him and repeatedly kicking him out of my stupid "cool-kids" club, rubbing in even further how worthless he was," he inched closer to her, seething with clenched fists.

"Hey, Jay. Back off. C'mon, let's go before you do something you'll regret," Alex stated calmly as she forced herself between the two.

"Whatever, go screw yourselves." He walked out of the room towards the lobby. Alex jogged to follow.

"Jay! Jay, slow down," a breathless Alex yelled down the hall, receiving irritated glares from the hospital staff. She glanced apologetically and continued to follow the heated boy.

"I can't even believe those people. They're such frauds." He gritted his teeth and hit the wall closest to him. The only other time Alex had seen him this upset was when he found out about Chad's abuse at home. But even then, he had let that go when he saw Chad had seemingly straightened out his act.

He plopped himself onto the nearest bench. She sat next to him quietly, waiting for his fury to dissolve.

After a few minutes she reached for his hand, "You were right back there."

He looked at her with furrowed brows, "I don't think I've ever heard you say that to me."

She gave a small grin. "Yeah, and you'll probably never hear it again."

He attempted a smile, but it came out as a crooked frown.

More silence followed as he thought about all the past drama in his life. He stared at the smaller hand in his, shaking his head. "Man, I can't believe how everything's turned out. I mean, you, Sean, and Spinner were the only solid things in my life. The only people I knew in and out. And it turns out that I didn't know any of you at all."

"What do you mean?"

"Sean and I have been best friends since who knows when, and then he just ups and leaves because of all his crazy past. Spinner's life has been unraveling and I had no clue until he jumped off the deep end there." He contemplated his next thoughts, trying to wrap his mind around the chaos that seemed to follow the group of friends.

"And then _you_. A lesbian, really?" he looked at her ludicrously. "C'mon, who saw that one coming? Definitely not me."

"Jay, I don't even know what I am. As stupid as this is gonna sound, I'm just following my heart." She rolled her eyes at her own words, knowing how cheap the cliché sounded even to her.

Jay didn't make any crude remarks, as she expected. Rather he looked hurt. "Exactly, Alex. That's what everyone is doing. And I'm not there. Not even the only girl I've ever loved, since grade school, wants anything to do with me.

"Maybe they're right. I'm just no good for anyone." He had let go of her hand and stood up. He made his way to the clear entrance doors and simply stared at the people passing by. Before he would make quick judgments and determine a person's life simply by watching them walk by; now he couldn't fathom imagining secrets they were keeping.

"Hey, that's not true Jay. As much crap as I talked, I loved you. I still do, and you'll always have a place in my life." She thought back to her talk with Paige, and how similar she felt with Jay as Paige did with Spinner.

"I grew up with you. I can't look at a pawn shop without thinking of you, or pass by the ravine without remembering at least one of our trips. Every time I see an old beauty of a car, you come to mind. You're everywhere, Jay." She grabbed a hold of both his hands, as if physically displaying the connection she was trying to describe.

"That's great, Alex. I remind you of used crap in con shops, stoners, and old junk cars. Those must be some great memories," he claimed sarcastically as he looked down at her.

"They are." She looked up at him, and for a moment the two were all alone with only each other to stare at.

"God, I still love you Alex." He didn't look away, relishing in the rare moment of sincerity between the two.

"Jay," she said warningly, as to not let him think that by confessing his feelings the two would be anything more than what they were now.

"I know, I know. You don't see me like that. But I don't know how I'm gonna get over you."

She smirked as she looked at their hands and instantly thought of Paige. "You will, one day. Sooner than you think."

He stared at her wearily and then moaned as he released her hands, "Oh jeez. You're thinking about _her_, aren't you? Way to ruin the moment" He pretended to look disgusted.

She laughed a little, "Well sorry. But it's true."

"Blah, blah, blah. I guess I can only take your word for it." Surprisingly, Alex had managed to make him feel slightly better, if anything she had taken his mind off of his worries for a moment.

"Maybe we should get back now, see if there's any word. I'm sure everyone's calmed down by now," she suggested, making her way to walk forward before Jay grabbed her arm.

She stopped expectantly, waiting to hear what he had to say. "Thanks." It was so simple, yet she appreciated it more than she could imagine. She didn't say anything in response, just gave a small nod and continued to the waiting room.

Jimmy stood quiet as Jay walked up to him. "Hey Jimmy, maybe I was a little out of line. With everything going on…" his voice trailed off quietly, not wanting to quite concede to being wrong but wanting to clear the air anyway.

"Whatever, I guess you had your points," Jimmy replied, surprising Ashley with his composed demeanor. It seemed the tension between the two was slowly fading.

Jay took a seat next to Ellie. Her hair seemed an even more furious shade of red lying atop her pale face. "Hey, Red. How're you doing?" he asked, a bit out of character.

She looked up, eying him to make sure he didn't blow up in her face next, "Fine I guess. This wait is killing me." She instantly regretted her poor choice of words. No comment was made about and the two continued their waiting beside each other in silence.

After a while a woman wearing a bright white lab coat walked up to the group. Ellie, immediately assuming it was the doctor the receptionist had mentioned earlier, stood up eagerly.

The woman looked at the clipboard in her hand and then back to the teens. She displayed no emotions, which made Ellie all the more anxious. She had nothing to go off of to determine if she was going to receive good or bad news. Then the doctor made a small frown, sending Ellie's stomach to her feet as she anticipated the worst.

"Is everyone here for Gavin Mason?"


End file.
